For a long time now I have been debating within myself whether or not I should be a stay at home Mom. My line of work is sooo stressful that even on a part time schedule I have to be available to work anytime. And when a tax return is due to a client, it is expected of me to do whatever it takes to meet deadline. My performance is judged, of course, by how well I perform but also by whether or not I can meet deadline. All these years, I have always performed well and exceeded people's expectation of me at work. However, it got harder when I had Caleb. I still tried to work because we needed the money and we wanted to move to a better school district. In whatever I do, I desire to do my best at it and do an exceptional job. I find it really hard to be exceptional at my career and still be an exceptional Mom. In my line of work, the two roles always come in conflict with each other. I want to be at home to teach Caleb, to cook wholesome food, to clean the house(believe me it's dirty), to breastfeed Joshie longer, to embrace each moment of their young lives, to take care of my extended family, and to be a gentle support to my husband (rather than him being a support to my career). When I am at work I desire to learn more, to strive to do my best, and of course to climb that ladder. I have to say I am quite an ambitious person. But on the other hand, I don't want to advance at the expense of my family.
So if the two roles are put side-by-side, I will have to choose to stay at home. The other side of me is afraid that we can't make it by financially and that when I do work again I won't be employable. I really do enjoy my line of work, serving client, learning new things, and being challenged. So you see my dilema?
Then why don't I find another job that's not so demanding you ask? Well, no one wants to hire a part time person. And I don't feel comfortable working full time at this time. It's hard to come home in time to pick up my kids on a full time schedule.
2 comments :
Is that the question? ;-)
I'm strongly biased on this subject, as you may know, so I'll just babble some thoughts without going either way.
It's hard to excel in two different roles, especially two that directly impacts one another. So, either you do well in one, or poorly in both. Now imagine it's 5 years later, having successfully played out one role, would you rather have gone the other route?
I enjoy reading you posts relating your personal insights to God. So what does He have in mind for you?
One last thing. I don't know your purpose for this post. Is it something to share with friends? A place to put your thoughts? Some other reason? If anyone from your company recognizes you in this blog, your decision may have been made for you. It's like a short-cut. ;-)
I think Kitty and I (mostly Kitty) posts here just to have a forum to reflect on some thoughts. Yes, I guess the "wrong" people can be looking at this, but that's alright. We have somewhat made a decision already. The stress of Kitty's work is just too overwhelming. She is attempting to work part-time in a fast pace full-time world. I think a break for a few months or years would be beneficial. Or if God opens the door, a part-time not-so-stressful-job would also be great.
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