Turning another leaf in the book of life

Today is my last day at the job in Walnut Creek.  This is the first time I am leaving a company with no hard feelings.  Just leaving for a better opportunity.  So saying good bye is harder this time. I took up a job as Tax Manager in San Francisco.  I thought long and hard about this job.  I would never apply for a manager position because I don't want too much responsibilities at work.  I just want to earn money and spend time with my family.  So this job literally just dropped on my lap.  I didn't know I was interviewing for a tax manager position going to the interview.  The recruiter called me and asked weather I would like to interview with a CPA firm since they are willing to accommodate my part time schedule.  So I thought why not?  I didn't ask what position since I don't care what position as long as they are willing to pay me what I think I am worth. When I got to the interview, the conference room door says, "Reserve for Tax Manager Interview - KM."  They were ready to hire me after the interview.  Still I fear the stress of being a manager.  I can manage people, but I just don't know what kind of expectations they have of me in term of tax expertise.  I know some tax laws after working on it for so many years, but I am no expert or will I ever be.  God just opened all the doors this time.  They gave me an offer and I even went back to ask for higher salary and they agreed without hesitation.  On top of that, they are willing to pay me 75% of a full time salary when I have clearly communicated that I can only work 20 hrs during non-busy season and 30 hrs during busy season.  It seems like this job is handed to me so I owe it to myself to give it a try.  I fear that I would fail miserably, but I am reminded of what God said in Isaiah 41:10, "Fear not, for I am with you.  Be not dismay, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, yes, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  After reading Genesis 39-40, I began to pray that God would guide me and bless me at this new work place like He did for Joseph.  God blessed Potipher, the prison guard, and the entire Egypt for the sake of Joseph and whatever he did he was prosperous.  It would be such a humbling experience if God would bless my workplace because of me.

As I look at my resume, I realized that God was there every step of the way.  I literally have a story to tell with every job.  God's footprints were apparent at my first job with EY.  Before graduation, I was scheduled to interview with three of the Big 5 (back then).  But I only got a second interview with EY.  I was so inexperienced and nervous that of course I had trouble communicating during the interview.  Afterwards, I called the HR recruiter back to explain what I meant by what I said.  Then I called back 5 more times to leave a message on her voicemail to explain all my previous phone calls.  I can't believe I did that.  If I were the recruiter, I would not hire me.  But I got the job anyways.  Fresh out of college with a prestigious firm.  Something that I thought only the outgoing, extrovert, and smart girls get.  Never thought I had a shot, but God reminded me that it's by His grace and not my own power.

Then, EY got to be too stressful for me after having C.  I needed another job that's part time.  Part time job is not easy to come by, so it took about 6 mons and a recruiter called me about a tax position with Alta Partners, a venture capital firm, that only needed tax help for 20 hrs a week.  Perfect!!!!  The first interview went smoothly.  But during the second interview I was not able to answer a few technical questions on things I haven't worked on before.  But I still got the job.  They offered me a higher salary than EY and still had medical benefit for everyone in my family.  I only worked 20 hrs, but had full benefits.  What a blessing!

God provided this Walnut Creek job as an escape from Alta after my time there was done.  He now paved the way for a different position.  Since He had it all planned out, it only make sense to trust in His guidance and provision.

Our Impromtu Trip to LA

Ferris Wheel at Knotts Berry Farm

The good news is that I got a job offer to work part time at a small CPA firm in Walnut Creek.  The bad news is that we can't take vacation this summer since July - Sept are busy season at my new work place.  So as soon as I accepted the offer, H and I decided to take the kids on a short vacation during Memorial day weekend.  The easiest place to go at a last minute notice was LA, so we took the kids to Knotts Berry Farm and California Science Center.  We pulled the kids out of school on Friday (yeah, so unlike us) and drove down to LA.  We first stopped by Griffith Observatory to let the kids learn about space and see and touch telescopes.  The next day, we spent the whole day at Knott's Berry Farm.  The place wasn't big, but lines were long.  Of course we didn't go on the level 5 scary rides, but even so, we didn't hit everything.  But we did go to the new part of the park and the roller coaster ride called Coast Rider was the boys' favorite. 

Mui was the only one who wants a picture with Snoopy.

On Sunday, we went to California Science Center, home of the spaceship Endeavour.  We love hands on science museum because C loves science and wants to know how things work.  Even in the bay area, we have annual membership to SJ children museum.  Since we're in LA, of course, we cannot miss the opportunity to see Endeavor and the largest science museum in CA.  The place is humogous with 4 stories of hands on fun.  There are also many discovery centers on every floor for babies and toddlers.  You can learn about plants, space, human body, and anything science related.  The biggest attraction is the spaceship.  When NASA brought the spaceship to this Science Center, the boys saw it flew across their school.  Now they are excited to see it up close.  It was very interesting to learn about space and what the astronaunts did there.  We even saw the space potty and learned how astronaunts use it in zero gravity.  The ship itself is magnificent, it's huge and grand.  I can't believe human is capable of creating such ingenious machine.  If we, mere mortal, can be this smart, then, God, our creator, is capable of so much more.  We weren't allow to go inside the ship, but currently there are plans to build a Samuel Oschin Air and Space Center next to the Science Center to place the spaceship vertically as if it was ready to be launched.  The new building will be many many stories tall so that the spaceship can be viewed from many levels.  It is anticipated to open in 2017, I can't wait to see it.  The Science Center is so big that we can easily spend a whole day there, but the boys really want to see the beach also.  Therefore, we left early and headed for Manhattan beach.  The weather was nice, not too hot or too cold.  The beach is clean with plenty of parking.  There are walking and biking path.  The boys and mui just love playing with water and sand.  Joshie dugged in the sand and found many tiny little sand crabs.  Mui likes to just scoop sand.  They did this for two and a half hour.   I love that the kids had so much fun just being outdoor and getting dirty.  What a blessing to see that they can enjoy the simple things in life and find joy without needing expensive experiences.

See the sand crab in the middle of the shovel?  It was J's mission to find more.

Reached My Goal Weight

Me before weight loss.  I can't find a full body picture because I hated taking pix.

Me minus 30 pounds.

After 5 months of low carb eating, I have finally reached my goal of losing 30 pounds, that's about 22% of my weight.  I went from a size 8 to a size zero.  I feel great and have tons of energy.  I work out, cook, bake and take care of the kids and I am not tired at the end of the day.  In fact, I can keep going like the energizer bunny.  Just sometimes, I am emotionally drained since I'm with Mui all the time. 

I am amazed at how I was able to be disciplined and had self control.  In fact, that's not like me at all. I have tried other diets before, like South Beach and Cabbage Soup, and it didn't work for me.  I failed on those diets because I didn't have the discipline to go through with it.  Usually after about a couple of weeks, I give up.  And my failure is partly due to my love for bread of all kinds, cupcakes, and chips.  I usually endulge myself with a bag of chip after I put the kids to sleep because that's how I recooperate from all the events of the day.  So I don't know exactly how I just kicked those habits one day.  To me it's a miracle.  It's the work of my Lord Jesus Christ.  He deserves to be praised for this miracle. 

As I look back at these past months, I see that the Lord orchestrated things to happen so that I'll relinguish control and allow Him to help me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  As much as I didn't want to give up my paycheck, I know God was leading me to quit my job because it was causing emotional harm to me and my family.  I didn't know how to handle all the emotions and negativities, so I did the only thing that I knew how and that was to just spend alittle time with my Creator.  In my most painful and stressful times, the Lord reminded me that I need to focus on myself and be renewed.  So I have to learn to take care of me.  That sounds like such a simple thing, how can anyone not know how to take care of oneself?  I spend a lot of time taking care of my kids, my work, and even ministry that I have neglected myself.  I failed that those other diets because I didn't want to spend time to make special food for me.  When my kids were little, I make them homemade baby food and pack it with me wherever we go.  When they were toddler, I make soft toddler food.  To this day, I make sure that feed them a balanced meal and I bring them fruits, snacks and water wherever we go.  It's important to me that I take good care of my kids, but some how I don't do the same for me.  Perhaps, I didn't think that I was worth the trouble.  God showed me that neglecting myself affects every part of my being.  To be restored emotionally, I first need to be physically healthy.  The self help books that I read and research that I did all pointed out that physical health and exercise will help improve mental health.  Exercise not only keeps the body healthy, but makes the body releases endorphins which is a brain chemical that gives energy and lift up a person's mood. 

So it's not that I have a lot of discipline or self-control that I have successfully reached my goal, but it's all because of the power and strength that the Lord has given me.  Indeed, He is my strength when I am weak.  He knew that this is what I need in this period of my life.  With this new body, I have a renewed zest for life,  a greater contentment toward God and His blessings on me, a stronger self-confident that I can tackle other goals (especially spiritual goals), a bigger committment to be a better mom and build strong relationship with my kids, a deeper conviction that I can be a more supportive wife, and a revived desire to learn new things.  Both my sister and H, both commented that they noticed that I am happier lately.  Who knew that I can gain all this from weight lost. 

The Many Transitions

After alittle over a year of having a nanny who cooks for us, she moved on because Mui is ready for Pre-school.  Due to my job situation, we have not enrolled in a pre-school yet.  So she is now going to day care.  We were spoiled by not having to cook for so long.  Now we are cooking again and we spend our nights cutting and prepping food for the next day.   We are thankful that my mom and dad have been bring us soup and food.  After graduation, I thought I would have more time to do nothing or craft things.  Haven't had time to do those things yet.

My job have been stressful and emotionally painful, so I have been wanting to quit for some time now.  I pray for God's guidance and it seems that leaving is the best thing for the family.  The time has finally come for me to submit my resignation.  Monday will be a new chapter in my career when I resign.  I don't have another job yet, so I am a little anxious about what the future holds. But lately, in my time with the Lord, my spirit is comforted that He, the maker of the universe, will take care of me and has my best interest in mind.  I have to have faith and trust in His faithfulness.  I have been applying for jobs on Craigslist since August, but no respond.  The hard part is that I am looking for a part time job and not a full time job.  Everyday as I look at job postings, I get more and more discouraged.  I can't believe that with all my education, no one wants to give me a part time job.  Reading the book Crazy Love, has reminded me that my God is a BIG and POWERFUL GOD.  I believe in a God that created the universe, from the small speck of dust to the galaxy.  He made the caterpillar that turns into a butterfly and our bodies that heal itself.  So how can getting me a job that fits into my family life be a difficult thing for Him?  Recently, I had two interviews.  One didn't go so well and may not be a good match and the other went well.  The second one told me that I had an impressive resume and that I had the skills people want.  Although I don't have an official offer yet, what a confident booster that is!  God knew that I needed that and He knew just went to give it to me.  I truly believe that it is NOT my education or my skills that are impressive, but it God's blessings upon me.  I know by my own merit, I cannot achieve anything.  It is through His grace and mercy that have what I have.

God Met Me Where I Am At

I was upset at something at work today, it's so complicated that it's hard to explain.  However, it not important what got me upset, but what's more important is how God met me where I am and talked to me.

After experiencing unpleasant feelings and anger, I immediately called H.  He, of course, was encouraging and always on my side.  But even after our hour of conversation, I was still upset and discouraged.  I tried to work and do things to overcome those feelings and prevent it from happening again.   When I am unhappy, I also like to watch TV and eat to suppress my feelings.  But when I was about to do that, I asked myself, "Why are you turning to people and things to help you?  Why are you not turning to the Almighty God?"  Sometime I just don't go to God because at times I open the Bible and read something that is not applicable to my situation.  But tonight, I knew I needed to go to my Father.  And so I did.  I sat at my spot and opened the Bible.  I read an article from the a devotion that I put off a long time ago called Indeed.  Then I reminded myself that I need to read the BIBLE itself and not an article written by someone.  So I opened a devotion for mothers and did the first devotion.  It led me to 1 Cor 13, the verse about love.  I then asked God to speak to me, what does love got to do with my situation?  It's not applicable.  I didn't hear God or see Him, but the Holy Spirit was definitely at work.  I asked God, did I totally screwed up at work?  Did I disgrace your name because everyone knew that I am a Christian.  God made me realized that I shouldn't worry about what I did, but rather, I should focus on how I am going to react.  That is what sets me, a Christian, apart from others.  The passage about love was applicable after all. I need to respond in love.  We are called to love those who hurt us and persecute us.  Love is not easily anger and it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love never fails.  It never fails at home, at church, and even at work. 

So there it is, God met me because He knew I needed Him and told me what He wants me to do.  How do I respond in love?  What do I do?  That is what I am asking God now.  I am tired and my emotion and brain are drained, so I am sure He will tell me another day.

I hope that this encourages you to go before the throne of grace in your time of distress.  May Christ dwell in you richly.

Counting my numerous blessings

God has been so faithful to me even when I am not faithful to him. I am really blessed to have the job that I have. I love it more and more each day. Aside from the free medical care for the family, I love the job itself. It's challenging enough to motivate me to earn a higher degree, but not so challenging to the point where I have to sacrifice family time. I can really see myself at this work place for awhile. This is truly a God sent.

Another new job

Staying at home did not last very long. I guess God had other things planned. And He knows what works for the best of the entire family. God brought me to a job that's perfect for me and the family. So I am back in the working world working 7 hours a day for 3 days a week. So far I am loving it. I like the people I work with and I have to say the pay and benefits are really good. I praise the Lord for leading me to this job. Looking back, I can see that God provide me with the job that I need and like. Except for the last one, I did that on my own. Which is why I didn't like it.

My new job as sahm (stay-at-home mom)

This was my first week as a sah mom. Just like staring a new job, I come to this position with excitment, visions, and passions. I have sooo many things I want to do with the boys and my extended family, and so many things to straighten out. I hope I get to accomplish them all. Aside from taking care of the boys, I am going to look after my grandfather by visiting him and be his maid once a week. I am going to home school Caleb on days that he is not at Preschool. Of course cooking and cleaning is a must, but I also set out goals for myself so that I hopefully won't waste time.

Yesterday I got to spend some time with two other sah moms. On the drive home I realized that I am actually working at home. Something I thought I am not good at and can't afford to do. But funny how God led me to this place at this time. I am thankful that I get to be home with the boys in this day-and-age where double income is a must and we can still live in Castro Valley. Even though I cannot stay home long term, I am grateful for any amount of time with the boys.

That's the end of it

Well, it turns out that I didn't like my new job. I didn't like the integrity of the clients and of management. The only two things I did like was the location and pay. Maybe God is trying to tell me something. When I quit EY, my intension was to stay-at-home, but part of me didn't really want to stay home for various reasons (finance being one), so I just took the first available job that came to me. No wonder it didn't work out. So maybe for this period in time I should wait on the Lord to provide and be at home with my kids.

My new job

I am happy to report that I finished my first week at my new job. When I took the job, I didn't realize how small the company is. I mean I knew there are only 10 people, but I thought the clients are smaller size business corporations. But unfortunately, it's smaller than that. It's really a mom -and-pop size tax office. I don't think I will be learning very much there, but that's OK for now since I need a less stressful job at this time. The upside is that I have my own office and it's only 10 minutes away.

To Quit or Not To Quit

For a long time now I have been debating within myself whether or not I should be a stay at home Mom. My line of work is sooo stressful that even on a part time schedule I have to be available to work anytime. And when a tax return is due to a client, it is expected of me to do whatever it takes to meet deadline. My performance is judged, of course, by how well I perform but also by whether or not I can meet deadline. All these years, I have always performed well and exceeded people's expectation of me at work. However, it got harder when I had Caleb. I still tried to work because we needed the money and we wanted to move to a better school district. In whatever I do, I desire to do my best at it and do an exceptional job. I find it really hard to be exceptional at my career and still be an exceptional Mom. In my line of work, the two roles always come in conflict with each other. I want to be at home to teach Caleb, to cook wholesome food, to clean the house(believe me it's dirty), to breastfeed Joshie longer, to embrace each moment of their young lives, to take care of my extended family, and to be a gentle support to my husband (rather than him being a support to my career). When I am at work I desire to learn more, to strive to do my best, and of course to climb that ladder. I have to say I am quite an ambitious person. But on the other hand, I don't want to advance at the expense of my family.

So if the two roles are put side-by-side, I will have to choose to stay at home. The other side of me is afraid that we can't make it by financially and that when I do work again I won't be employable. I really do enjoy my line of work, serving client, learning new things, and being challenged. So you see my dilema?

Then why don't I find another job that's not so demanding you ask? Well, no one wants to hire a part time person. And I don't feel comfortable working full time at this time. It's hard to come home in time to pick up my kids on a full time schedule.

Under the Microscope

Praise the Lord that God is answering my prayers in that I will be able to do more challenging things at work and that I have the opportunity for career growth. I met with my BIG boss for lunch yesterday. She basically told me that I have a shot at a promotion if I meet her requirements/expectations. Those expectations are doable, but it will require many additional hours at work. So basically from now on my performance will be watched and I am under the microscope. It's a little scary, but at least I have a shot at a promotion instead of doing the same job. Please pray for me in this. Please ask God to give me the strenghth not only to meet expections but to exceed them.

My career

Prior to returning back to work, I did alot of thinking about my job. I really didn't want to go back. I felt like I was stuck doing the same thing over and over again. I work part time and I am very specialized doing one kind of thing. But inorder to be promoted to manager, I need a wide variety of experiences and knowledge. I have asked for those experiences, but didn't get it because from a business perspective, the firm have no benefit in giving me the kind of experience I want and need. Since I do my job so well, they are more profitable if they keep me doing what I am doing instead of letting me do something I am not so familiar with. So they need manager with more experiences, but they can't give me those experiences. That means I can't be promoted there. Which means I should leave. I have been looking around and interviewing. Companies don't like to hire part timer. With Joshie not doing so well at day care, I don't feel comfortable working full time and starting a new job right now. I feel really stuck. I have also been thinking about going back to school to get a master degree. But that's another issue.

When I switched to part time to have more balance in family life, I thought I can still progress in my career. But recently I just realized that I am not going anywhere. It's no different than giving it up. I don't mind giving up my career to raise a family, but I guess I wasn't prepared to give it up. It caught me by surprise. I thought it would still progress but just slowly. Now I have no motivation in going to work. So I have been praying for God to change my attitude. Since there is no job out there for part timer, I feel like God is telling me to stay at this firm.

Back to Work

My first day back to work was Wednesday. One part of me is glad to be back and doing something different than changing diaper, feeding, and cooking. Yet another part of me don't really want to leave the kids. I am not worried about Caleb as much because he is doing well at day care since he is a big boy now. Emotionally it's hard because I know Joshie is better under my care. Like Caleb at the same age, Joshie doesn't drink much milk at daycare. Not sure why that is. It was hard to get through with Caleb and it still is with Joshie. When Hebron and I feed him, he will drink the entire bottle of 5 oz, but the day care person said that he won't drink from her. We gave her tips on how we feed him. But still she can't seem to feed him. If he doesn't drink when it's time for a feeding, she will wait till the next feeding which is 3 hours later instead of trying again in an hour. So at day care he would go 5 -6 hrs without food. Joshie does want to eat, but he's just a little picky. I am partly frustrated that the day care person doesn't try harder. If Joshie drink 7 oz the entire day there I would be happy. But when he drinks less than 5 oz, I wish that I could be home with him.

Sometime I wonder if there is another alternative. Should I stay home with Joshie? Financially we can't afford it on a long term basis, but we should be ok for a short period of time. Sometime I wonder if it's because I can't let go or I just don't want to work. It's partly both. I am tired of gone back to the same company and doing the same thing. I would really want to try something different.