My 14 Miles Run

I can't believe that I actually did 14 miles.  That took 2.5 hrs of straight running.  That's the distance of a half marathon.  Some people who trains for the half marathon don't actually run 13 miles until the day of the race.  But I just wanted to make sure that I can run the whole length.

The path had little shades and it was hot.  I had a pretty tough time running it actually.  I have been training for it, but for some reason, after 9 miles, I lost motivation.  I just didn't want to do it.  So from 9 -14 miles, I just made myself.  I kept telling myself to finish the race and not give up.  I prayed for God's strength.  When I ran 11 miles last week I felt great and didn't have much trouble.  Perhaps I didn't load up on carb and water adequately this time.  Boy, I sure hope that on the actual race that I can make it till the end without having to walk it.

I am thankful that I had a friend to run with. Without her, I would have given up.  I guess we both didn't want to let each other down and give up prematurely.  I am also thankful that my knees were able to withstand all that running.  

C turned 10

Oh wow, how time flies.  C turned 10 today.   I remember he was a tough baby.  He had trouble sleeping and eating.  When most infants sleep, he would always be awake making me so tired.  I remember getting on my knees with H, praying and asking for God's help to care for and raise C.  Look at him now; healthy and thriving.  It's emotional for me mainly because I only have 8 more years with him and I am not sure whether I did a good job this past decade.  If I can turn back time, I would do so many things differently.

Everyone needs someone in their life to believe in them and tell them how precious and valuable they are.  Encouraging words goes a long way.  So I took this opportunity to give C a special blessing.  Here is a blessing from a mother's heart.

C's 10 Years Old Blessing

C, you are my son and I love you with all my heart.  I can’t believe you have now reached double-digits in age and are no longer a little boy.  You are becoming a young man, capable of doing whatever you put your mind to.   You have a smart and inquisitive mind, always asking questions about how things work, and that’s how you can do those slide puzzles in no time at all.  I love your strong sense of right and wrong, and your desire to always choose the right path.  You don't ever have to feel like you are not good enough because God has uniquely gifted you with all that you need to succeed.  He has planned for you to do amazing things with your life.  You will grow up one day to be a leader of integrity who is honest and caring, whom God will use to show His love to the world.  I am very proud that you try your best and persevere in areas where you are weak in.  It’s easy for people who are good at something to keep doing it.  Extraordinary people are those who keep trying when things are hard and don’t give up.  Today, I bless you with all the blessings of love, peace, joy, and wisdom that the Lord promised in His holy word.  As you begin your journey of becoming a man, I want to give you this special gift as a symbol of your growth toward independence.  You are an amazing boy and I am blessed to be your mother.

My gift to him was a personalized apron and a cookbook.  Beside encouraging him to love the Lord with all his heart, it's my job to train him for the real world.  I want him to be a blessing to himself, those around him, and especially his future wife and family.  So that means, he needs to know how to cook a little and also do some household chores.  I have been teaching him how to cook and make simple meals.  Because he is older now, he will have the privilege to handle a small part of our household budget and will also have to do his own laundry. 

God's Gentle Reminder

As soon as the New Year began, work just took off.  Trying to still work out and run amidst my work schedule is leaving me with no time to blog or watch TV.  But I had to blog about this since it's indeed God's way of reminding me to stay on the path. 

I had a touching conversation with J, boy #2 tonight on the drive home just he and I. 
J: I am going to make you a rubber band bracelet, what color would you like?
Me: Purple, why are you making me one?  It's not my birthday or Mother's day.
J:  Because you are my beloved Mama and I love spending time with you.  (Awww!)
Me: Oh, I love you too.  How did you know how to use the word "beloved"?
J: I read it in a book.  Do you love me more now or when I was a baby?
Me:  I love you the same because you are my beloved J.  But I do miss the time when you were a chubby baby.  I love cuddling with you and sleep.  And I loved it when you tried to kiss me but didn't know how so you ended up eating my chin instead. 
J: I don't want to leave home to go to college because I don't want to leave you. 
Me:  You need to go to college.  You will love it because you get to spend lots of time with your friends and learn new things. 
J:  I can spend time with my friends in the day time and come home at night.  I don't want to leave my family. 

WOW!  That touched my heart in such a deep way.  I know that will change when he is a teen, but I am thankful for his heart now.  With all the mistakes that I made and the yelling that I did, I can't believe he still values his time with me. 

Recently, recruiters have been contacting me about job opportunities.  I went on some interviews, but of course they are looking for full time employee.  There is a job that's perfect for me.  Good pay, great industry, and with potential upward possibility.  It's just what my career needs.  They also like me.  So if I am willing to work full time, the job is mine.  But I turned them down and offer to work 80-85% of the work week.  That's the most I've work since C was born.  Of course, they don't want that.  So I didn't get it.  I don't know about other moms, but I've always been thorn between career and family.  I am an ambitious person, I want to achieve more.  But I also want to give my kids my time and attention.  Turning down good jobs are hard for me no matter how many times I did it.  Each time is hard and each time I have to remind myself that home is where God calls me to be.  It's where I should channel my energy.  Sometimes I also wonder, is my sacrifice making a difference?  Or did I do it for nothing?  I wasn't sure of the benefit, but I am sure that's what God wants me to do.  So I keep looking for a part time job because I know He will provide.  Tonight, God used J to remind me that I am making a difference.  My sacrifice is well worth it because J values my time with him.  I will continue to seek for jobs that fits into the family's schedule and priority.  Thank you Lord for reminding me to stay true to what You've called me to and You will take care of the rest.

My First 10K Race

I can't believe I actually ran a race today.  Just back in July, I didn't like running.  I started to exercise in January of 2013 and began to really love it.  I love reaching new heights physically and feeling good about myself.  Endorphins really kept me positive and up beat, so I wanted to be more and more active.  So I decided to run.  After I ran around Lake Merritt in Oakland and actually liked it.  I was hooked on running.  Don't get me wrong, I still have days where I don't want to run and much prefer to stay in bed.  But I push myself and ended up loving it.  So thankful that I found a group of moms at the boys' school to run with every Sunday.  They keep me going.  I am a slow and steady runner, I want to be able to finish every race.  In a normal week, I tried to run 4 -5 miles 2 - 3 times and I don't have any problem doing it.  But today, perhaps all the food from Thanksgiving.  I had a hard time starting the race.  And the last miles was tough with inclines.  I had to keep my eyes on the finish line to keep myself motivated.  I feel like it was a big accomplishment.  Part of me want to train for the half marathon in 2014, but part of me is fearful of it.  If my body is able to keep up, I am willing to try.

  

Counting My Blessings Finale

I had to take a break from blogging to get ready for all church camp.  Now back to counting my blessings.

11. Getting my CPA license was a journey of trust, faith, & reliance on the Lord.  I was never a good test taker.  And to have to sit two full days for the exam was gruesome.  Most of my EY co-workers passed it during their first try, but it took me 4 tries.  I can only take it once a year, so 4 tries means almost 4 years.  The battle of perseverance was long and hard and many times I wanted to quit, but I knew God wanted to me to continue.  When I felt prepared, I ended up failing.  The time I passed was when I felt least prepared and was 6 months pregnant with C.  I had to rest and go to the bathroom so many times that it took time away from my exam.  But yet, I still passed.  God showed me that my accomplishment is not by my own wisdom or strength, but by His power and grace. 

12. God richly blessed us with our house.  We started with a 1000 sq ft house in SL and upgraded to this almost 2600 sq ft house in CV.  With me working part time since C was born, we were not able to save very much.  Yet through increased equity, we are able to upgrade.  With the housing bubble bursting, our mortgage was never under water.  In a period where some people lost their home due to foreclosure, we were able to upgrade.  This is only because of His blessing.

13.  My richest blessing was the birth of the boys.  Both were born healthy and without complication.  Although I had to push for over 2 hours for C without epidural, it's much shorter than some other story.  We had a hard time with C because he was not feeding well and I was inexperienced.  We literally got on our knees, lifted him up, and prayed for God's mercy and guidance.  He grew fine despite eating only 5 oz of milk a day for weeks as an infant.  When J was born, he was an extremely good baby.  Ate well and slept well.  God knew that I can't handle another tough one.

14.  Many of you have heard our adoption story which included so many miracles and blessings.  We were given a healthy girl (only with minor heart problem) and she had every few attachment issues when we got her.  When we didn't have the remaining adoption fee and had plans to max out all our credit cards, friends and families provided the funds that we needed.  The adoption process and transition in China was smooth and safe, something we were concerned about when we contemplated whether or not to bring the boys.  It turned out to be a great experience for everyone. 

15.  Ever since I had kids, God always provided jobs that were flexible and fits into our family's schedule.  It's important for me to be involve in my kids' school and to know their teachers and friends.  I wanted to help them develop socially.  And I wanted to be home with them as much as I can.  My jobs allowed me to do this so far.  When the supposedly "good job" made me miserable, I didn't want to quit because I fear that I can't get another one just as flexible.  Then, God brought me another.  Although this new job pays almost 30% less, it's a blessing that I can bring home a paycheck. God never promised that He will make me rich, but will He always take care of my needs.

16.   Another big miracle and blessing is that I can see that God is changing me and giving me the desire to know and draw closer to Him.  He is changing me both physically and spiritually.  Physically, I have lost over 30 pounds and my lifestyle have changed completely (180 degree).  I used to dread exercising and particularly running.  But now, I exercise 5 times a week and looks forward to it.  Some days I exercise at 6 am.  Before, I can't even run a block, but now I can run 5 miles at a time.  I have even signed up for a 10K in November.  I love the high feeling I get after a run and the accomplishment I get when I am able to lift more weight than what I'm used to.  Even H said that I am completely different, when I tell him my goals for running, he would say, "Who are you?"  Spiritually, God is reaching out to me where I am.  Although I am sinful and broken, He is gentle and patience with me.  When I cry out to Him, He speaks to me.  Before, I am NOT a morning person.  I only wake up 10 mins before the drop dead time that I HAVE to wake up and not a minute more.  Now, I wake up early enough to have time to pray, read God's word, AND make hot breakfast.  Who am I?  I couldn't have change on my own, I have sure tried before.  This change is the work of the Almighty God. 

My First Run

I can't believe that I did my first run around Lake Merritt.  It's about 3.4 miles in circumference, so it's about 5K.  When my sister started training for her marathon, she kept asking me to run with her, but I wouldn't because I don't like running.  I can't even last a few blocks without stopping.  Yes, I was that bad and my sister and friends who tried to run with me knew it.  So when I started to exercise, I wanted to stay away from running.  I can do anything but run.  So I did Zumba, U-Jam, BodyCombat (like boxing), and weight lifting.  After a few months of weight lifting, I can feel that I am stronger and that I am in better shape.  So I tried to run on the treadmill, I didn't like it so I ran for 5 mins and then walk for 5 mins and so on for a short time.  One day, I decided to just run and see how long I can last.  When I wanted to stop, I kept telling myself a few minutes more.  It turned out that day I ran for 25 mins on the treadmill and covered 2 miles.  So the next goal should be a 5K.  Since the boys are at summer camp and K is at preschool, today was the perfect opportunity to try to reach my goal.

I have to say, it was quite hard.  I did it at about 9am, but the weather was hot already.  At less than half a mile, I really wanted to just walk.  That would still be a good exercise to just walk around the lake.  But NO, my goal was to run.  So I pressed on.  Then, I got really thirsty.  I didn't bring water because I wanted my hands free.  I was huffing and puffing, but I turned my iphone on louder to allow worship songs to motivate me.  So I pressed on.  Then, I saw that if I run the last part on the street, I would get to my car sooner.  But no, I need to run the inner circumference of the lake to be able to say that I ran the whole lake.  So again I pressed on.  At the end when I knew that I was close to my car, I gave it all that I got to run faster and to finish strong.  When I got there, I felt like I have conquered the world.  My perseverance paid off and I reached my goal.  I did feel alittle light headed and my legs were wobbly, but after drinking water and sitting down, I was fine. 

On the run, I needed strength, so I prayed and thought about God and His plans for my life.  I have personally experienced what Paul, in the Bible, talked about running the race and finishing strong.  I have heard many people, especially runners, say that running is alot like living the Christian life.  And so far, I understood what Paul and everyone said.  But today, I actually experienced it and it became personal.  As I ran, I periodically looked at the spot where I started because that's where I will end.  Thinking about my goal helps me move forward and I know I am closer and closer.  So this is what Paul talks about in Philippians 3:14 "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."  I just had to keep my eyes on the prize and go for the goal.  Then I thought, what's my goal in my Christian life?  Every Christian wants to earn rewards in heaven and hear the Shepherd say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."  I want that more than  anything.  It's a good goal, but that goal seems so far away.  It's like me setting my goal to run a marathon before this run.  It seems so far and hard to reach.  The goal of running the lake is more reachable, so I realized that while I desire to hear my Shepherd's I praise, I need to set short reachable goals for my spiritual life.  That way, I know I am moving forward and that I have accomplished something for the Kingdom.  

Another lesson I learned is that every Christian should judge themselves by their own walk and deeds and not compare ourselves to others.  I have to admit that I often compare myself to others, especially to those who have a strong walk with the Lord.  I would feel discouraged that I am not as patience, kind, compassionate, and gentle as the other person.  And that leads to feeling in adequate when I serve.  But today, I realized that each Christian have a their own race to run and each race is different.  There should be no comparison, it's like comparing apples to oranges.  As I ran, there are a lot of people who are also running.  Most ran faster than me.  Some might have more training or are in better shape than me.  So I didn't want to run fast like they are.  I am just glad that they are running like me.  I just want to run at a pace that I can finish and all I wanted was to finish the lake.  In the same way, everyone has their own Christian race.  Some might have more training coming from Christian home or some have stronger network, but each of us should focus on our own race.  Hebrews 12:1 says, "And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..."  We should run the race that marked out for us and not the one marked for someone else.  When we run someone else's race, we will surely fail and not reach our goal. 

Wedding Anniversary and Mother's Day

Today H and I celebrated our 12th anniversary.  Believe it or not we got married back in the days when digital photo was not very common.  Those camera was still quite expensive.  So ALL our pictures are in 35mm film.  On top of that, we got a really really bad photographer.  H and I paid for our own wedding and I only started working for a few months.  So our budget was limited.  Correction, extremely limited.  The photographer had a good portfolio, but when he did our pix, they were terrible.  Pictures were dark and when he did use flash, it caused shadows.  So not sure how his portfolio was so nice, perhaps not his work.   The picture above is so many time better that my wedding pix.  That is my biggest regret for the wedding.  I have always wished that we had better wedding photos.  Ours is so terrible that I am ashame to show them.  And since they were not digital, there is no way to fix them.  Oh how I wish we can retake those pictures.

Perhaps now we can.  I can fit back into my wedding gown and all my wedding day dresses again.  I really do love my wedding dress.  My mother made it for me from my own design.  She puts all the design and sequence on by hand.  I love the details, the fit, and the length.  It's hard to see all the details from the above pictures.  She made the three flowers on the back, cut the lace in the design that I wanted and sew it on by hand, and she wrapped each button on the back with the same fabric as my dress.  I was born with a wide shoulder, so I never liked wearing strapless or spagetti strap dresses.  So I designed this dress to hide my flaws.  My mom also made all the bridesmaid's dresses and flower girls' and ring bearers' outfit.  On the back of my bridesmaid dresses are flowers just like mine and loops to hold their shaws. I liked my bridesmaid dresses so much that I asked my mom to make me one too.  Not sure if I told her, but I loved all the dresses she made for my wedding.  I had 4 dresses that day.  I wish I had some place to wear those gorgeous dresses to.

So on this Mother's Day, I want to tell my Mom that I appreciate all that she do/did for me.  Thank you for making me clothes, cooking for us when I am busy, taking care of my kids so I can have a break, and being a great example of patience and kindness.

Reached My Goal Weight

Me before weight loss.  I can't find a full body picture because I hated taking pix.

Me minus 30 pounds.

After 5 months of low carb eating, I have finally reached my goal of losing 30 pounds, that's about 22% of my weight.  I went from a size 8 to a size zero.  I feel great and have tons of energy.  I work out, cook, bake and take care of the kids and I am not tired at the end of the day.  In fact, I can keep going like the energizer bunny.  Just sometimes, I am emotionally drained since I'm with Mui all the time. 

I am amazed at how I was able to be disciplined and had self control.  In fact, that's not like me at all. I have tried other diets before, like South Beach and Cabbage Soup, and it didn't work for me.  I failed on those diets because I didn't have the discipline to go through with it.  Usually after about a couple of weeks, I give up.  And my failure is partly due to my love for bread of all kinds, cupcakes, and chips.  I usually endulge myself with a bag of chip after I put the kids to sleep because that's how I recooperate from all the events of the day.  So I don't know exactly how I just kicked those habits one day.  To me it's a miracle.  It's the work of my Lord Jesus Christ.  He deserves to be praised for this miracle. 

As I look back at these past months, I see that the Lord orchestrated things to happen so that I'll relinguish control and allow Him to help me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  As much as I didn't want to give up my paycheck, I know God was leading me to quit my job because it was causing emotional harm to me and my family.  I didn't know how to handle all the emotions and negativities, so I did the only thing that I knew how and that was to just spend alittle time with my Creator.  In my most painful and stressful times, the Lord reminded me that I need to focus on myself and be renewed.  So I have to learn to take care of me.  That sounds like such a simple thing, how can anyone not know how to take care of oneself?  I spend a lot of time taking care of my kids, my work, and even ministry that I have neglected myself.  I failed that those other diets because I didn't want to spend time to make special food for me.  When my kids were little, I make them homemade baby food and pack it with me wherever we go.  When they were toddler, I make soft toddler food.  To this day, I make sure that feed them a balanced meal and I bring them fruits, snacks and water wherever we go.  It's important to me that I take good care of my kids, but some how I don't do the same for me.  Perhaps, I didn't think that I was worth the trouble.  God showed me that neglecting myself affects every part of my being.  To be restored emotionally, I first need to be physically healthy.  The self help books that I read and research that I did all pointed out that physical health and exercise will help improve mental health.  Exercise not only keeps the body healthy, but makes the body releases endorphins which is a brain chemical that gives energy and lift up a person's mood. 

So it's not that I have a lot of discipline or self-control that I have successfully reached my goal, but it's all because of the power and strength that the Lord has given me.  Indeed, He is my strength when I am weak.  He knew that this is what I need in this period of my life.  With this new body, I have a renewed zest for life,  a greater contentment toward God and His blessings on me, a stronger self-confident that I can tackle other goals (especially spiritual goals), a bigger committment to be a better mom and build strong relationship with my kids, a deeper conviction that I can be a more supportive wife, and a revived desire to learn new things.  Both my sister and H, both commented that they noticed that I am happier lately.  Who knew that I can gain all this from weight lost. 

The Joy of Shopping Returns

I haven't gone clothes shopping for myself in a long time, probably years.  That's because I hate trying on clothes that I don't fit or make me look fat.  When I was younger and skinnier, I used to love shopping because I fit most things.  Back then the only problem was finding clothes that is small enough for me.  After two pregnancies and not exercising, I have gained quite a bit of weight.  Two and a half months ago I went on a low carb diet cutting out rice, bread, pasta, and sugar.  In the first three weeks, I even cut out fruits.  I now only eat meat, vegetable, fruits, and nuts.  As a result, I have lost about 18 lbs to date.  I hope to loose 10 more pounds.  I will post before and after pictures when I reach my goal.

Since I am skinnier, I fit most things in the store so shopping is fun again.  I am so excited that I can wear size xs shirt again and even fit skinny jeans.  The best part is that I got a great deal.  I bought a whole outfit for less than $45; this include a shirt, jean, and boot.  Must find more deals.

Scrapbooking Marathon

Hebron will tell you that I am crazy, but I volunteered to help Caleb's teacher document kindergarten memories for her class.  When I volunteered to do that, I thought I was assisting the teacher.  Little did I know that I volunteered to take on the whole thing.  2009-2010 school year was like a big scrapbooking marathon where I document every activity in his kindergarten class.  Basically, I am creating 24 books (one for each child)  that document all the activties in the whole school year plus two additional books for the teachers.  There are at least 2 photo opportunities per month.  So there are at least 25 pages per book. 
Amazingly, I am almost done.  5 more pages per book and I am completely done.  I can't believe I did it despite, the holidays, tax busy season, and my MBA class.  I have to say, the memory books are quite nice and I am sure all the parents will appreciate it.