Birthday Month

February is a big birthday month for us.  Both Mui and C are born in the same month.  I have been wanting to bake and try different cake and cupcake recipes, so I made them each a homemade yellow cake with strawberry and banana filling and whipped cream frosting.  It's really light, fragrant and not too sweet, just the way I like it. I think it's worth the effort to make the cake at home because I know exactly what goes in it. 


Homemade cake.  I still have to work on my piping skills.

Mui was so excited for her birthday.  She knew that she was going to get presents and that she gets to blow out the candle.  When she opened her gifts, she kept saying, "My present."

No fancy birthday party for the kids this year.  Caleb got a small playdate with a few classmates.  A house full of 3rd grade boys is chaotic.  They are so active that some can't even sit to eat.  Everyone was super excited to play so they ran all around the house from top to bottom, front to back.  They were busy with organizing themselves in teams and creating games.  I love to hear the way they play.  But boy, I need to rest for a week after taking care of them.

4 hours of free play for the birthday boy at Boomers.  Unlimited racing, golf, and laser tag.  Boys loved it.

First Halloween

This is Mui-mui's first Halloween. We dressed her in the Mak family costume made by K's mom. All Mak kids wore it. Can you recognize who is who?

We recently allowed her to have a lollipop. She loved it so now she knows what candy is. There was a parade and trick-or-treating at the boys' school. I brought Mui along. At first she didn't know what we were doing. I showed her how to go up to people to get candy. After seeing what she can get, she knew how to spot people who are giving out candies and she made her way up to them. With her cute look people would give her candies first.

Final Step in Adoption

The final step in the adoption process is to have the adoption legalized and recognized in California.  We had to take Mui-mui to see the Judge in the Superior Court.  Once the adoption is recognized in CA, we can apply for a California birth certificate.  Mui-mui wasn't born in a hospital in China, so she didn't have a birth certificate.  We are finally done with all adoption paperwork. 

Mui-mui is thriving and learning new things everyday.  Recently, she can do a few new things.  She can repeat the sounds that we make.  She can use the all powerful word "no".  When she wants something and we give her the wrong thing, she would say "no" and shake her head.  And she can say the word "give" in Cantonese.  When she wants something, she would point to it, stretch out her hands and say "give". 

Already 7 Months?

K has been with us for 7 months already.  It's a short time, even though it felt like she's been with us since birth.  In 7 short months, she adjusted so well that people and doctor can't tell that she spent 10 months in another country, speaking another language.  Like all babies at this age, she has to learn how to communicate with her parents.  On top of that, she has to adopt a new language while she learning to decode what adults are saying.  I have to say she is doing extremely well.  The Pediatrician only expects an 18 month old baby to say three words in the language she was born into.  K is not even 18 months and she is able to say 9 words in two languages, both of which are not what she was born hearing.  So she is developing really well.  PTL for that!  In English, she can say: hi, bye, more, Mommy, and Daddy.  In Cantonese, she can say: hye (shoes), bie (to put), Mama, nie nie (milk), and bay (nose). 

K is a smart girl.  She can understands a lot of things and can figure things out from context.  One time she got into the cabinet and took out the cover to my thermos and played with it.  She hid it amongst the kitchen toys.  I had no idea what she did to it.  I saw that the cover is missing and while holding the thermos, I asked her in Cantonese where is the cover?  She immediately turned around, headed straight to her kitchen toys, found the cover, and brought it back to me.  I don't think she understood every word I said, but she was able to do what I asked her to.  Amazing!  I think most babies wouldn't remember where they put an item, let alone understand what I asked.   She also picks up things we say rather quickly.  Whenever I head to the laundry room or pick up my purse, she will quickly follow me and make sure that I get her shoes for her.  She loves going out so much that whenever I say any of these phases to the boys, she will be the first to head over to the laundry room to put on her shoes: It's time to go, let's go, or put on your shoes.  She is also doing well with the nanny.  She no longer cries hysterically when I leave for work.

First Day with the Nanny

Yesterday was my first day back to work.  After having a baby clinging onto my side for almost three months, it weird not having her with me.  Hebron was home with the nanny to show her what to do.  Mui-mui drank milk from her in the morning.  But refuses to drink milk from the nanny during the day and in the afternoon.  In fact, before her afternoon nap, she threw a tantrum.  I think that's because Hebron was home and she wanted Hebron to take care of her.  She will need a few weeks to get use to her nanny.  This morning when the nanny came, Mui-mui cling on to me like a piece of tape, fearing that I will leave her.  I guess that is normal at the beginning.

Having a nanny is great!  She is just who I need in my life.  She cooked for us and cleaned the kitchen when Mui-mui slept.  When I got home from work, I was able to spend some time with the kids and not worry about cooking because hot food was already on the table.  She made a vegetable dish, a meat dish, and Chinese soup.  I can get use to this.  I hope this arrangement works out and Mui-mui likes her soon.  It's making my life alot easier.  Praise the Lord!

Definitely a Girl

I thought being on maternity leave would give me more time to blog.  But I have been busy with cooking for people and making Mui-mui's scrapbook.  Mui is now 15 mons old.  She actually understands alot of thing in Cantonese.  Things that she understands are sit, eat it, don't eat it, kiss, where is your shoes? and give me the book. She can climb up and slide down the baby slide in our house.  She is still very attach to me.  When I am at home with her, she always wants to be by my side.  And sometimes that's not enough, I have to hold her.  She is us curious, friendly, outgoing, and a joy to have.  Whenever, I take her to the park she would just walk up to a stranger and talk to her.  She would even want them to hold her.  Hmmmmm....not sure if she thinks everyone is her care giver. 

She is definitely a girl.  She loves shoes; her shoes and  other people's shoes.  We let her wear the pink soft Robeez shoes (see pix - she is ready to go out) inside the house to give her more traction.  I would take them off when I put her to nap.  As soon as she wakes up, she points to them and wants me to put them back on.  Or when I change her diaper and take off her shoes, she would want them back on immediately.  When I hold  my keys and purse, she knows we are going to go out.  So she would find her outside shoes and head to our laundry room, sit down on the floor and raise her leg so I can help her with her shoes. 

Praise the Lord that we found a nanny to come to our house and care of Mui when I go back to work.  She goes to our church and also takes care of our friends' mom.  I just hope she will be good and can take good care of Mui and the boys.  I am a little nervous about how it will be since we don't know her that well.

Eating got better

Thanks everyone for asking and for your prayers and concerns.  Karissa is eating better.  I realized that we have communication issues.  She wants something, but we didn't know she was trying to tell us something by closing her mouth.  We thought she didn't want to eat or not hungry.  She is moody and has be to  in the right mood to eat.  Turns out that she does want to eat.  She mainly wants to eat what we eat.  The problem with that was that she didn't know how to chew.  So I had to keep feeding her baby food and porridge.  She was sick of those things.  Now that she can chew, she is eating a wider variety of food.  I have been making her chicken noodle soup and pasta. 

I am now taking my maternity leave and staying at home with Karissa until the end of May.  I thought I will have alot of free time not working.  If you know me, you'll know that I am not the kind of person that sits around.  I fill up my time home with activities that I normally can't do because I am at work, like visiting friends and cooking for them.  I enjoy spending time with Karissa, but have been busy with errands, cooking daily, any my research paper and final.  One main goal for my time at home is to make a scrapbook for Karissa documenting how God brought her to us.  I really hope I can get this done, it's such a big project. 

Her Heart Condition

Monday was Karissa's appointment with the pediatric cardiologist at Children's Hospital.  The technician took an echocardiogram of her heart.  It is basically a 2D ultrasound of her heart.  The doctor was able to see the hole and measured it.  He said her condition is called Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA).  All fetuses in the womb has a Ductus Arteriosus, a hole in the heart where oxygen rich blood can bypass the lung to get to the body.  This is because fetuses does not need to breath through the lungs.  But when the baby is born and starts to breath on her own, this hole should close.  Karissa's hole measures 1.5 mm, which is 50% smaller than what was reported to us from China.  This is great news!  That means it is closing up on its own.  The cardiologist said that we have nothing to worry about and there is a 85% chance that it will completely closed on its own.  So for now all we have to do is monitor it.  If it doesn't close in a couple of years, then he would recommend surgery. 

What a relieve this is.  We praise God for His healing hands upon Karissa.  Hebron and I felt strongly that the Lord called us to adopt a child with a medical condition.  God, in His infinte wisdom, knows what we can and cannot handle.  So He gave us a child with a very minor condition.  He used her heart condition to speed up the adoption process for us.  If we did not step out in faith, even though we were nervous about the unknown, and pursue a child with a medical condition, we would still be waiting.  Choosing to adopt a child with a medical condition was not what I orignally intended to do, so I was reluctant at the beginning.  After we proceeded with this decision, I was still a bit scared.  Everytime those fears surfaced, I felt God telling me to have faith and trust in Him.  Now that I can see the entire picture, I realized that everything was part of God's plan.  His plan is always the best.

Eating Battle

Why does eating have to be a battle for all my children?  Many adopted children from China eat really well.  But not Karissa.  I am not sure what is going on with her.  For about a month now, she has been moody during meal time.  In China, she ate everything and drank everything we gave her.  After over coming jet-lap in the US, she ate alot too.  So I know she has the capacity to eat.  Something changed and she is not eating much at all.  She does not like jar baby food, so my mom and I have been making fresh baby food for her.  It's so frustrating when she doesn't eat.  Many people say she will eat when she is hungry.  Well, that is not completely true.  She refuses to eat so we will do what she wants.  After skipping a meal, I know she is hungry, but she gets moody.  She wants a toy to play with when she eats.  And because we want her to eat, we give it to her.  Then she would throw it down on the ground and wants us to pick it up.  If we don't pick it up, she won't open her mouth.  So we pick it up and she takes a bite.  Then she would throw it down again and refuses to eat until we get the toy.  We also tried not giving her a toy.  She would be soo grumpy and frustrated that she will wave her arms around to prevent us from feeding her and of course her mouth is shut.  Ahhhhh......so frustrating.  One of my pet peeve is feeding children who do not want to eat.  Both of the boys were bad eaters.  They didn't want to eat and when they do eat, they didn't eat much.  But at least they are not moody. 

Karissa does not know how to chew yet, so she can't eat table food as a full meal.  Making baby food for her is a lot of work.  Cooking meat and vegetable and blending it takes a long time.  But I don't mind making it if she actually eats.  I just don't know what to do with her.  I am anxious and nervous every meal time.  I really cannot tolerate moody children.  If she is moody and does not want to eat, then maybe I just shouldn't feed her.  But on the other hand, I want her to eat very badly.  So part of me want to give in and pick up the toy everytime she drops it so she will eat.  But emotionally, I know I won't be able to keep it up.  Both Hebron and I are totally frustrated and don't know what to do.  If you had the same experience and tried something with your kids that works, please let us know.

Happy 1st Birthday Karissa!

We have the priviledge of celebrating Karissa's 1st birthday.  I know in adoption that is not always possible, so we are very thankful.  The boys sang the happy birthday song to Mui-mui this morning and as a tradition from Happiness Hill Preschool, they continued to sing "we are glad God made you, we are glad God made you, we are glad God made youoooo, we are glad God made you." That just got me thinking of how God made Karissa.  So on the BART ride to work, I was overwhelmed with emotions of thankfulness.  Psalms 139: 13 -16 says, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  I often use this verse to tell the boys that God made them special and with a purpose.  Every life is valuable because God has a plan for each person.  I have always knew this to be true because when I was pregnant with the boys, I knew inside me were precious gifts.  But now I realized that God, in His sovereignty planned a precious gift for me inside someone else's womb.  I have never thought about it that way.  Karissa is a joy to have and I can't imagine our family without her.  It's amazing that in just two months we have grown so attached. 

Today Mui-mui also had her 12 months well baby check-up and got the result of her blood test.  She has a clean bill of health and currently at 19 lbs 4 oz.  She gained 2 lbs since we got back to the US.  Boo to the nurse that gave her three shots on her birthday.

Her first taste of cake.  She loved it!  She was holding my hands to make sure that I gave her some.  Thank you to Uncle Tim and Auntie Marilyn for the royal outfit.

Blood work

Today Hebron brought Karissa to get her blood drawn.  This is the second attempt.  The first time the person at Quest Diagnostic lab in CV poked her three times and can't draw any blood.  I didn't want to go back to the same people, so we search around for a place that is more experienced with babies.  So finally went to Quest in San Ramon.  After poking her many times, they were able to draw blood.  Her right arm is literally filled with numerous red dots resulting from the lab work.  They took 5 tubes.  That is a lot for a baby.  Praise the Lord, that the ordeal is over and that Hebron took her.  I am not strong enough to go through it.  The doctor is testing her for AIDS, Syphilis, Hepatitus, lead, immunization, and a whole bunch of other things.  Please pray that the results will show that she is healthy.  After blood work, we have to take her to a pediatric cardiologist at Children's Hospital to check the condition of her heart.  She was diagnosed with Atrial Septal Defect (ASD), basically a hole in her heart.  The pediatrician said that her heart sounds fine and she didn't hear anything unusual. 

While Hebron is pinning Mui-mui down at the lab, I was at work.  This is my second week back.  Work is busy and hectic as my tax busy season is in full swing.  Hebron is on Paid Family Leave during the three days that I am at work.  We are so thankful to our friends and church friends that brought us food and will be bringing us food.  Since I am busy at work, Hebron is suppose to be a stay-at-home dad to take care of the kids, cook, and clean.  So he is very releaved that he is getting help with prepared food.  We have friends who can really cook.  So far meals have been lasagna, chicken pot pie, pasta with chicken, and baked chicken with sweet glaze.  Of course there were desserts such as banana muffins, brownies, and cookies.  Hmmmmm, everything was so delicious.  The kids loved it.  I even fed some pasta to Karissa and she swallowed it whole and wanted more.  We even had leftover so the kids can bring lunches to school.  They ate it all up at lunch too.  I should learn to be a better cook like my friends.  Thank you so much for your kindness to us.  If you need anything, please let us know.  We would jump for the opportunity to be a blessing to you and extend a helping hand.

Sleeping in her own room

This is Karissa's room.  It's painted but not decorated.  She is able to sleep through the night, so we moved her into her own room last Friday.  Hebron slept in there for a few nights and she seemed fine.  So now she is sleeping by herself.  Everyone is sleeping better now with this arrangement. 

Her first time in a dress and Hebron's first time putting on a stocking for a girl.

The boys love feeding Mui-mui cheerios.  She loves it.

Almost back to normal

This week, the boys are back to school and Hebron is back to work. Karissa is over her jet lag and can sleep at night, though sometimes she still wakes up crying. Because Caleb has to be at school by 8 am, all the kids wake up by 7 am. This helps establish a routine for Mui-mui. This is her daily schedule now.

7:00 – Milk
9:00 – Breakfast
9:30 – Morning Nap
11:00 – Milk and/or snack
1:00 – Lunch
3:00 – Early Afternoon Nap
4:30 – Milk and snack
6:30 – Dinner
7:30 – Begin bedtime routine
8:30 – Milk and Bedtime

Mui-mui is eating, drinking, and sleeping much better now. She drinks about 24 oz of milk, eats three bowls of jook, eats some snacks, and drinks juice daily. This is how she eats in China. I am so glad she is eating the same way.

Hebron and I can get at least 6 hours of sleep. I feel like I am beginning to have more energy to tackle daily activities, except I still don’t feel like cooking. Life is almost getting back to normal. Thank you Lord for carrying us through our transition! Thank you for your prayers.

I brought mui mui to run errands and got her the head band.

Feels like child-birth

I naively thought that bringing home an older baby would be less work and easier than giving birth and caring for an infant.  It's true that certain things are easier like she can sooth herself, sit, and sleep through the night.  However, due to jet lag and a change of environment, she is not able to sleep.  In China, even though there were crying and screaming, for the most part she slept the majority of the night.  In the US, she has been restless in her sleep and unable to sleep from 1 am to 4 am.  Since she is in our room, we can't sleep the entire night either.  We are so sleep deprived that we don't want to do anything but sleep during the day time.  Which is not helpful in getting over jet lag.  This week at home feels like the first week home from the hospital after giving birth to my boys.  All I do is attend to the baby day and night and don't feel like doing anything else but nap.  The boys have to be self sufficient while mommy and daddy are out-of-it. 

I still have the rash I mentioned earlier.  The itching is intense and unbearable.  I had to use anti-itch cream and take antihistamine.  I went to see my primary physician and just with one look, she determined that it was scabies, which is contagious.  I had a phone conversation with the doctor who specializes in adoption, she doesn't think so.  I went to a dermatologist today to get a second opinion, he did a biopsy and said that it was not scabies, but dyshidratic eczema.  I am so glad it is not contagious, but it itching is still there.  There is really nothing to heal it, I was only given steriod to control the inflamation. 

I feel like being sleep deprived and suffering discomfort is the passage to motherhood that I must go through.  With birth, I was sleep deprived and suffered from pain.  With adoption, I am also sleep derived but suffering from itch.  I see that there is no easy way to be a mother.  ;)

Other than the sleep thing, Mui-mui is doing well.  She likes to explore our house by crawling around, getting into everything, and putting everything in her mouth.  Her appetite is back and she loves jook.  When we first got her, she can only crawl via army style on her belly.  Now she is crawling normally and can get from the crawling position to a sitting position.  We also have the priviledge of seeing her first tooth.  When I brushed her gum the other day, I felt something sharp. 

Gotcha Day

Gotcha Day is the term the adoption community uses to refer to the day we receive our babies. The day went really smoothly. At 8 am, the escort took us to the Dept of Civil Affairs. At 9 am, we received our little angel, Karissa Faith Mak. We spent a few hours there to complete paperwork and signed our life away. The boys were quietly playing with our iPhone. It's good to know that we are not the only crazy one. We met another family that also brought to youth boys. Then, we went to take passport picture for Karissa and went to another govt office to apply for her passport. Then we all, with other adoptive family, went to lunch. After all the activities, we brave souls, took all he kids to Walmart to get baby supplies.

Karissa is very calm, does not cry much, and a good eater. She did not make a fuss the entire day. She got attach to me (Kitty) almost immediately. Perhaps I looked like one of her caretaker. After we return to our hotel, she kept her eyes on me he whole time. Anytime I was away from her line of sight, she would cry, but she would stop when I return. Hebron tried to give her a bottle when I was in the shower, she wouldn't take it. She cried so hard that her face turned red and she got sweaty. She slept through the night on the her first night with us, from 8:30 pm to 5:30 am. We feel soooo blessed to have her. The boys are great brothers. They gave her toys and entertained her when I have things to do. Joshie even stood next to the bed to make sure she won't fall. Please continue to pray for us. Karissa is sick and on medication. Hebron and the boys also have a bad cough.

Travel Approval Received

We have been waiting for the travel approval from China to authorize us to pick up Mui-mui.  Yesterday, we got it!  God is so good.  The process has been fast and smooth thus far, exactly what we have been praying for.  The adoption agency immediate submited for us a request to travel on Dec 10th.  We are again waiting for that date to be approved.  Please pray specifically that we can travel on 12/10/2010 because that is the best date for everyone in our family.

It's a girl!

In August, we received another call from that adoption agency with a match.  This time for sure we’re having a girl!  We’re scheduled to pick her up sometime in December or January of 2011! Here is a beautiful picture of our future daughter. Our boys are very excited to bring home their baby sister. They have actually been sharing about it during Sunday school! Of course we are completely thrilled as well, as we have been waiting for this moment for two years already.

We started the adoption paperwork in July 2008 and our application finally got submitted to China in March 2009. By early 2010, we realized that China had drastically slowed down the adoption process, so instead of taking the anticipated two years to receive a match, it would be closer to 10 years! Our desire to adopt was strong, but waiting 10 years is just not feasible. It was then that we explored another option that greatly sped up our process. We hesitantly opted in to consider a child with a minor correctable condition, such as a club foot or cleft lip. We were definitely hesitant in opening ourselves to that, because as parents, we have the most difficult time seeing our children in pain. When Caleb had his oral surgery a couple years back to remove four teeth, we were worried and anxious for a month. We cannot imagine how it would be if our daughter had to undergo serious surgery.

Well, a few months after we had joined this special list, we received “the call.” They had matched us with a baby girl (born in Feb 2010)! She was found abandoned on the streets of Yunnan by a police officer and her condition is called Atrial Septal Defect (ASD), which is a heart defect where there is a hole between the two upper chambers of the heart. After consultation with a physician friend and mentor and also an adoption specialist at Oakland Children’s Hospital, we saw that this medical condition is actual a huge blessing in disguise. Apparently, out of all the medical conditions that we could have picked from, this particular type of heart condition is possibly the “best” conditions we could get! A pediatric cardiologist estimated that there is an 80% chance that the hole would close by up itself without any intervention! If she would need surgery, it would be a simple procedure, and she would most likely not even need to spend a night at the hospital. God knew exactly what we could and could not handle, so this was the perfect child! How awesome is that??

Why Adopt?

One question we often get from people is why we would want to adopt, especially since we obviously can have our own biological kids. Ever since high school, God placed in Kitty’s heart the desire to adopt because she saw that neglected children can thrive given a little love and attention. She also sees that children hold a special place in the heart of Christ. Mark 9:35 says, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name, welcomes me.” She wants to provide a loving home for a child who would otherwise not be loved or know love. Throughout the years, Kitty had many passions and desires; most came and gone. However, the desire to adopt stayed and lingered in her heart. She always thought that when she could, she would.  It is not a coincident that Hebron also developed the same desire. After learning of Kitty’s heart for adoption, Hebron began his own journey of searching for God’s will. Through God’s Word and radio programs such as Focus on the Family, Hebron developed the same passion. Looking back at our journey, we are convinced that God put all the pieces together and led us to this decision. We even saw how He directed our steps to adopt a child with a minor physical condition. We now have such a passion to not only adopt ourselves, but to help others through their journey and struggle with adoption, because we believe that God desires all orphans to be loved by caring parents.

Silent Auction Fundraiser

Our adoption process is not over yet. We are still waiting for some more paperwork to give us the authorization to travel. In the meanwhile, we are faced with huge financial responsibilities. The adoption cost totaled to about $35,000, which includes traveling expenses for two weeks. $10k was paid toward the beginning of the process. Another $12k was paid after we accepted the match. Those two large expenses already wiped out our savings. Unfortunately, we still have $13k that is due prior to traveling to China. We are hoping to raise some support from our friends and family to cover this last remaining chunk. If you believe in our cause and also have a heart for orphans, we would humbly ask for you to prayerfully consider supporting us financially. There are two ways you can support us:

1) Write a check payable to us and mail it to our home.  If you need our address, please email us. 
2) Participate in our silent auction by either bidding or donating to it, or both.


What is a silent auction?

A silent auction is like eBay. We will put many items for sale on a website. You can help us by bidding on an item (e.g. espresso machine, DVD player) or a service (e.g. oil change, housecleaning). All proceeds will go toward our last remaining adoption expense.

We have some items to sell from our own inventory. However, we would be eternally grateful if you have any items or service that you would like to donate to our silent auction. Examples of items (new or gently used) that we can use for the auction are:
• Books
• Electronics
• Toys
• Tickets to a game
• Oil change service
• Babysitting service
• Home cooked meals
• Computer assistance
• Gift cards
• Timeshare
• Air flight mileage

Those donated items would greatly increase the effectiveness of our fundraiser, so please let us know by Wed, 10/20 if you can help us in that area. If your donated items remain unsold by the end of the auction, we will return them back to you. Here are the details of the online auction:

WHERE: Go to http://tinyurl.com/makadoption
WHEN: Auction opens on 10/24 and will end the following Saturday, 10/30, at 3pm.
HOW: You can bid on an item by putting in your name, email address, and the price you are willing to pay for the item. If no one outbids you by the end of the auction (Saturday, 10/30, at 3pm), then the item is yours!

We will also host a pancake & porridge brunch on the last day of the auction, Saturday, 10/30. Come by anytime between 10-3pm, and bring your kids. It would be great to fellowship with friends and family. You will also have the opportunity to check out any of the posted items in person and you can bid on any item that interests you. Just send us a quick email to let us know if you are coming, so we can make enough pancakes and porridge for everyone. Thank you so much for your support!

"The Call"

Ever since we submitted our adoption application in March 2009, we have been waiting for "the call" from the adoption agency to refer to us our 3rd child.  From email updates we know not to expect that call any time soon.  But yesterday, we got "the call."  We indicated that we would consider a child with minor medical condition, so the refer was a 2 yr old with Syphillis, a sexually transmitted disease she was born with.  We were excited, but was not sure whether or not Syphillis is serious.  After conversing with a doctor friend, we made a very hard decision to decline.  Our friend said that if caught early, Syphillis can't do much damage.  But in her case, it was caught later.  He thinks that it may have caused developmental problems and since she still have traces of it that it may be contagious. 

I know we made the right decision for our family.  Knowing my limitations and my tendendy to worry, this is wise.  But emotionally, it was hard to turn away a child.  I pray that God will lead her to a loving home.   I can totally see myself loving her too.  I was so close to having a child, but yet it's so far away.  I wish to have our 3rd child soon, the wait is so hard.  Trusting in God's promises and following His lead is not easy, especially when there are other ways to get what I want.  Of course, I can easily have my own baby, but if I did that I would not be obedient to what He has called me and I would not be trusting in His provision.  It's so hard to continue down the path He is leading us when I don't know what the future holds and when I feel like we are alone (I mean beside God, no one is walking that path).  Like all the things He has called me to, I just have push on and hold tight to His calling.  I love chinese praise song.  A song from Stream of Praise says something like, "I lay down my life before you and follow your lead."  I feel like God wants me to do just that.