Chinese People and Compliments

What's up with Chinese people and compliments?  It's like the two don't go together.  This is the kind of stuff I think about when I am suppose to be doing Continued Education for my CPA license and I am procrastinating.  But seriously, you won't find too many Chinese that offers compliments and praises to other people freely.  Its not just the older generation, it's my generation too.  Its like they are allergic to saying good things to people.  But you will find people ready to criticize on the first count of any seemingly unconventional behavior.  I was walking with K to Daiso on a chilly day last week.  Two grandmas walking toward us said in Cantonese thinking I wouldn't understand , "What mother don't put a jacket on that little girl."  She had on a sweater dress with inside layers.  What they didn't know is that I DID put a jacket on her, but she insisted on taking it off.  Well, I don't have to prove myself to anyone, so I ignored their comments and moved on.  Perhaps people don't compliment others because if they dish out compliments, then there wouldn't be enough for themselves.  As if complimenting people will take away from who they are.  Or perhaps people don't want to praise others fearing that it will give them a big head.

The funny thing is that I heard Chinese people praise people of other cultures more than other Chinese.  Maybe when Chinese interact with cultures that often praise people, we are compel to do that same.  But to each other, there seems to be certain protocol that innately built in.  Not sure if I observed right, but it's how it seems to me.  At potluck, when a Caucasian friend bring a dish, people would say, "This is delicious!  You are such a good cook."  When your Chinese friend bring a dish, no one makes a comment or they would asked, "Did you make this?"  When you answered yes, they would simply nod.  Am I right?

Then I sat and thought about why I don't compliment people more.  Not to put the blame on anyone else, but one reason is that when someone is not raised with compliments, they don't think about offering compliments.  So its not natural to them.  I do find that I have to consciously remind myself to give people praises.  This is something I am working on.  I try to tell people a job well done when they put in the effort and time.  I also don't praise my kids when they are doing something they are supposed to.  Why? Because they are suppose to do it, it's part of their chores.  I don't get praise for cooking dinner every night because it's what I am suppose to do.  But it's sure is nice when people tell me that they like my food.  Studies have shown that people who received positive reinforcement will likely repeat that behavior.  So yes, my kids did the chores they are suppose to do, but when they are praised for it, then they are more likely to do it again willing and happily.  I was also afraid that when I offer too many praises, then they have an overinflated self-esteem.  What if they tried and didn't do well?  Should that be praised too?  Do more praises means lying sometimes?  Well, no.  I can praise my kids for their effort if the result is not up standard.  I don't have to say they did a good job if they didn't.  But I can give encouragement for trying.  So perhaps my New Year's resolution is to praise and compliment people more.

Family 5K

Unbelievable that our family did our first 5K Thanksgiving Turkey Trot.  I didn't think it could happen because all the males in the family do not like to run.  But since I run so much, I guess it raised some interest.  Every time I come home from running, the boys would take turn asking me how many miles.  When I answered, they would always say, "Wow!"  Now that Daddy also completed his 10K, I think the boys are more open to running.  J actually was the first to volunteer to run this race with me.  C came along just because of the pressure that everyone is doing it.  I wanted to train them but with all their activities it was hard to.  But I did take them out to run a few times before the race.  C was nervous the whole time thinking that he will die.  I was very thankful that my sister came along with us.  She has always been supportive of my running and now want to be there for the boys' first run.  With my sister there, there is one adult per child.  So I ran with C, my sister ran with J, and H took care of K because she needed to be carried.  I forgot to set my speedometer at the beginning, so I didn't know how far we ran.  Through the course, C kept telling me that he is dying and that he needed to stop.  I kept telling him that he can do it and that he didn't even run the distant that he did the other day yet.  I continued to run on and C didn't want to fall behind because he didn't want to loose me.  So he tried to keep up.  Before we knew it, we were close to the finish line.  J and my sister were in front and finished sooner than us.  I am so proud of the boys.  I sure hope that this is the beginning of a life time of healthy physical activities for them.

 

My Compassionate Boy

This week is parent and teacher conference at the boys' school.  Teachers tell parents how their child(ren) is doing.  The boys both doing well academically by the school's standard.  When I met with J's teacher, she started with praising him about how compassionate he is for 5 mins of the 15 mins meeting.  She told me that he has a soften heart for a kid in class that has a learning disability.  When the boy has his episode in class, J would help calm him down by making him laugh.  At home, J would often tell me about that friend and how he made him laugh.  The teacher also told me that he would silently help the boy and show him how to act and do what he is suppose to.  She also said that she sees kids help other kids, but most of the time at their own convenient or if they know they will get rewarded.  But she felt that J genuinely care about the boy.  She sits them together because he is just so good for him.  She said that he is the most compassionate boy she'd ever meet.  She can't wait to see what he will become in the future.

WOW!!!!! I have to write this down so I will remember these compliments forever.  I am so proud of J.  I told him that being compassionate far outweigh any good grades he can get.  I do see that J has that quality.  He would often ask to pray for homeless that we pass by on the street and ask me to buy or give them something.  I am so thankful that God gave him that tender heart.  I pray that the Lord would show me how to nurture it and help it grow into something magnificent and useful to God.

Husband's First 10K

This is a back post.  I can't believe I didn't write about this.  It was such an epic event. 

H ran his first official 10K race.  Of course he was reluctant to sign up, but when his college roommate said that he will run too, then H is more willing to go.  They chatted up a storm since they hadn't seen each other for a long time.  Before they knew it, they were only a block away from the finished line.  That's why I love running with people, time just go by quickly when there is good company.  I am so proud of Heebee (a friend's nickname for him).  I hope he will want to run a half marathon.  :) 

The day is also memorable because I 8side my sister doing my second half marathon.  She has been a runner for a long time.  I think she has done 4 marathons.  She has always been fit so its hard to keep up with her.  I am still not as fast, but at least I can now run the distant.  To add to the awesomeness, some of my running buddies came too.  I am so blessed to have met so many people at the boys school that also run.  I have to say, the run as hard.  It was super hot and the race started after 8am.  Had it be earlier I think it would have been cooler.  I am proud to finish, even though I was slower than the first time.  Some day, I hope to do at least one marathon. 

$1.50 for 50 Oz Tide detergent

This deal is too good to pass up.  This Friday, 8/1, at Safeway, 50 Oz Tide detergent is only $1.50.

Every Friday, there are $5 deals.  So this week, 50 oz Tide detergent is $5 on Friday only ($5.99 the other days).

 

Tide detergent $5

Less $2 J4U coupon

Less $1.50/1 40 oz or larger (print the manufacturer coupon using this link)

http://www.couponsherpa.com/partners/coupons.com/?cid=18302100,18302070,18302049,18302094

 

Out-of-pocket price is $1.50

 

Even if you can't go on Friday, the other day is just $5.99 making your cost to be $2.50.  Still a good deal.

Never buy cereals at full price

I got 4 boxes of Cheerios and a gallon of milk for $5.90 at Safeway. This is why I don't buy cereals at full price. In fact, I try not to buy things at full price because there are always sales and coupons. But especially cereals. No matter what kind of cereals you like, they will eventually go on sale. I like multi grain and the medley Cheerios. I normally stock up enough until the next sale. Regular price, depending on the brand and size, is approximately about $4.89 a box at Safeway or about $3.89 at Walmart. Safeway has frequent sales for $2.50. So you save $2.39 a box just for waiting for sales. Plus, there are ALWAYS manufacture's coupons that you can use on top of sale prices. Usually, I get cereals, regardless of brand, for about $1.50 to $2 per box.

This time, its one of the cheapest deal in a long time. This is what I did. You can do it too since the Safeway deal lasts till Tuesday of next week.

Certain cereals and some particular Cheerios are on sale 4 for $10 and you get a FREE milk with it.
$1 off of $5 or more cereals purchase from personalized deal on J4U. (They say it's personalized deal, but everyone gets it if you have a J4U account)
$1 off 2 boxes of GM cereals (manufacturer coupons that you can get from Sunday paper or www.coupons.com)
$0.50/1 Cheerio (this is manufacturer coupon for regular plain Cheerio)
$1.60 off from Safeway J4U for getting milk (this was a surprise, it just happened).

Me? Green Thumb?

New garden contains tomatoes, strawberries, zucchinis, and green onions.

Let me start off by saying that I never had any success at growing things.  Even hard to kill houseplants died in my care.  There was a point in time where I bought lots of plants hoping to bring cleaner air to the house.  But one by one they died off because I just don't take good care of them.  Of course, orchids are not my forte.  I even killed cactuses.  Because of that, I don't try to grow anything. 

But my kids, especially #2, J boy, love watching things grow.  He loves fresh fruits and vegetables too.  So he especially loves to pick them and eating them right away.  He kept asking me when we can grow more tomatoes.  Last year when my father-in-law visited, he made me a raised bed garden box equipped with a watering system.  And since Castro Valley Sanitary District have been giving out compost, I have no excuse, but to try and plant something.  So this past Spring (in April), I bought a few tomatoes plants.  Then I tried sprouted from seeds zucchini and more tomatoes.  Within a week, I saw tiny green shoots sprouting up.  WOW! Amazing.  Within a few more weeks, those young shoots where repotted to the garden outside.  Just when I wanted to repot outside, Home Depot had potting soil on sale, 5 large bags for $10.  So I filled the garden box with 7 bags of potting soil and four large bags of compost.  Composts are like super steroid for plants.  It makes them grow BIG and TALL.  Seeing how fast things grow makes me want to take better care of it.  I made sure that the soil is always moist, especially on hot days. 

I am just not sure if I have the right mix of nutrient in the soil since I haven't done it before.  But my tomato and zucchini plants are growing like weeds.  It's bigger than any tomatoes plants I've ever seen.  I did try to grow tomatoes once before and that plant were only waist high and there were tons of fruits thanks to Hebron's coworker.  However, this time the plants are taller than J and still not bearing any fruit.  I was disappointed.  In the mean time, my neighbor and friends are harvesting large and juicy zucchini and tomatoes.  After asking around, I've determined that my plants are late bloomers because I started kind of late and it's over crowded in the garden.  So I continued to water it.  By the end of June, I saw three tiny zucchinis and about 5 little green tomatoes.  WOW!!!!! I was soooo excited.  I can't believe that it's bearing fruit.  It reminded me about the verse in Matthew 7:16-19  which says, "¹⁶ By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷ Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸ A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹ Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰ Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."  I planted those plants because I wanted the fruits.  If my plants bears no fruits, then I don't want them because they are of no used to me.  **Ding** A light bulb went on.  I, as a Christian should be bearing fruits so people can see what kind of plant I am.  If I bear no fruit, I am of no use to the Kingdom.  Oh man, what a convicting lesson I learned from just watching my plants grow.  Father, how can I live in such a way that bear fruits and bring glory to you?

The tomato plants are now taller than me and it has tons of tiny tomatoes.  Look, there is a zucchini ready for harvest and five more growing. 

Compost and soil make all the difference.  By July 4th, my plants are taller than me.  I love cooking with fresh fruits and vegetables.  I love knowing that my food are safe to eat and it's free from chemicals and pesticides.  This new found love for gardening leads me to want to growing things year round, which means I need more compost to condition my soil.  So I looked into composting.  I didn't want to compost before because I though you had to use worm and I don't like worms.  But I found out that you don't need worm to compost.  So I am now going to try composting my kitchen scraps.  I got this huge used bin from the thrift store for $3.50.  H drills holes all around it to give it air so I can use it for composting.  I will let you know how it goes later.

Homemade compost bin.

First Half Marathon

Life has been so hectic that I forgot to document this event.  I am so proud that I was able to accomplish such a long run.  I've heard that did it, but never thought that I could.  I went from not being able to run a block to running 13.1 miles.  Every mile was a blessing from the Lord, but it is not without hard work and dedication.  Craving out time to run 4 - 5 times a week for training is not easy, especially trying to juggle the kids and their activities.  Sometimes I have to get up at 4:30 am to run, much like athletes who are dedicated to their sport.   The discipline is so good for me, it motivates me to be more discipline in other areas of my life.  But more importantly, the endorphins keep me positive.  I am not as pessimistic and I do not hold on to my frustration as long.  I think I might be addicted to the positive feeling that I get from running and exercising. It's been a year since I've consistently exercise for at least 4 times a week, it's become such an integral part of me now.
After this race, I am more motivated to run.  I am tempted to run a marathon, but just fearful of the time commitment.  Now that I know how far I am push my body, I can try to run a bit faster.

A lot of people asked me how I got started and how I am able to make such a drastic change.  Since not many people see my small changes, people thinks that I had a drastic change overnight.  Changes that I made were not so drastic, it's the little changes that add together to become a life changing thing.  At the beginning in October 2012, I just decided to eat better and cut out carb and sugar for a week.  After a week, I decided to do two weeks.  When I got good weight lost result, 8 pounds in two weeks, I was motivated to keep on making good food choices.  Then, in December, after all the holiday eating, I felt like I needed to exercise.  So I started with Zumba because I love dancing.  After a few months, I no longer get a good sweat out of Zumba.  So I tried Body Compat and Body Pump at 24 hrs Fitness.  I LOVED IT!  It lets me get all my frustration and aggression out.  After my work out, I felt like a new person. That's when I started to love the positive feeling that endorphins caused.  Which then, leads me to work out 5 days a week.  After I reached my first weight loss goal of 30 pounds, I was more motivated to exercise because I still wanted to lose more weight, but my body was slowing down.  I knew I needed to add variety to my exercise routine.  One day, I decided to try the treadmill, a machine that I don't particularly like.  But I tell myself that I will use it for 20 mins.  After 20 mins, I felt great, so I continued for another 10 mins.  That day I ran 2.5 miles.  Then, I set a goal to run 5K.  I took myself to Lake Merritt and ran the entire lake.  The first time was tough because afterward I was a bit dizzy.  But that showed me that I can do more.  As I ran more, the more ambitious I got and set higher and higher goals. That's how I started on my healthier lifestyle.  It's the little choices that I made that lead me to this.  BUT more importantly, it's the divine intervention of Jesus that I am able to be so disciplined because I am not a discipline person.  It's the events and situations that came together as a part of His plan that I am able to make small changes.  In October 2012, my work caused me deep emotional distress that made me depressed and started to affect the family. God knew that I needed the release and the positive mind set.  I was depressed because I felt defeated like a failure.  God reminded me that I wasn't who the manager claimed that I was and through exercising, I found my strength, both physically and spiritually.  Exercising changed my life and saved my sanity.  Also, God knew that I needed a friend to keep me going, so he brought me a running partner who has the same drive and ability.  All this was in His plan. 

My 14 Miles Run

I can't believe that I actually did 14 miles.  That took 2.5 hrs of straight running.  That's the distance of a half marathon.  Some people who trains for the half marathon don't actually run 13 miles until the day of the race.  But I just wanted to make sure that I can run the whole length.

The path had little shades and it was hot.  I had a pretty tough time running it actually.  I have been training for it, but for some reason, after 9 miles, I lost motivation.  I just didn't want to do it.  So from 9 -14 miles, I just made myself.  I kept telling myself to finish the race and not give up.  I prayed for God's strength.  When I ran 11 miles last week I felt great and didn't have much trouble.  Perhaps I didn't load up on carb and water adequately this time.  Boy, I sure hope that on the actual race that I can make it till the end without having to walk it.

I am thankful that I had a friend to run with. Without her, I would have given up.  I guess we both didn't want to let each other down and give up prematurely.  I am also thankful that my knees were able to withstand all that running.  

My Heart Behind My Food

I had a bake-a-thon the week before C's 10th birthday.  I made all the food for his party, baked a Chinese style sponge cake, 24 chocolate butter cream cupcakes, 30+ chocolate covered strawberries for him to celebrate at church, and 36 mini cheesecakes for him to celebrate at school.  Ok that sounds crazy.  WHY did I do it?  Why didn't I just buy all that stuff?  I have to admit, I could have bought the food for the party.  Sometimes I do make things to save money and for the health benefits.   Homemade things can cost more after adding in time and other factors.  As H said, I didn't HAVE to make the cake  and C didn't HAVE to celebrate his birthday at church or at school.  So why did I do that?  Well, that's just who I am and how I show love.  I wanted him to feel special and that I am glad he was born to me.  Not to be cheesy, but I do put my heart and love in all the things that I make for people.  I am more like my parents that I thought I was.  They don't tell me much that they love me.  But when I am sick or need help in some way, they immediately think about what they can cook for me and how they can feed me.  They show their love through their food and I have learned to do the same.  In that sense, I am very Chinese.  I show people that I love them by giving them the best and most valuable thing I can offer.  And that's not money, time is my most valuable thing.  When I cook and bake for people, I am indirectly saying that they are worth my time and effort.  I go the distance for C because he is worth it.  If you have ever come over for dinner, or I brought food to your house, or given you a small treat in some way, it's my way of saying I care and that I love you.  If you didn't get food from me, I am working my way around and you will be next.  Just tell me what you like. 

C's 10 birthday Lego Star War cake.

This sponge cake has been on my have-to-master list.  It's not easy to make especially in the way that I like it; airy, spongy, and strong enough to hold the filling and frosting.  There are sooo many things that can go wrong when making this cake.  Believe me, I've tried many times.  Did you notice the lines on the cake and the white piping?  Finally, this is to my liking.  However, next time I need to put more frosting on the top and side.  Also, need to work on more decorations.

Chinese bakery sponge cake with whipped cream frosting.

C turned 10

Oh wow, how time flies.  C turned 10 today.   I remember he was a tough baby.  He had trouble sleeping and eating.  When most infants sleep, he would always be awake making me so tired.  I remember getting on my knees with H, praying and asking for God's help to care for and raise C.  Look at him now; healthy and thriving.  It's emotional for me mainly because I only have 8 more years with him and I am not sure whether I did a good job this past decade.  If I can turn back time, I would do so many things differently.

Everyone needs someone in their life to believe in them and tell them how precious and valuable they are.  Encouraging words goes a long way.  So I took this opportunity to give C a special blessing.  Here is a blessing from a mother's heart.

C's 10 Years Old Blessing

C, you are my son and I love you with all my heart.  I can’t believe you have now reached double-digits in age and are no longer a little boy.  You are becoming a young man, capable of doing whatever you put your mind to.   You have a smart and inquisitive mind, always asking questions about how things work, and that’s how you can do those slide puzzles in no time at all.  I love your strong sense of right and wrong, and your desire to always choose the right path.  You don't ever have to feel like you are not good enough because God has uniquely gifted you with all that you need to succeed.  He has planned for you to do amazing things with your life.  You will grow up one day to be a leader of integrity who is honest and caring, whom God will use to show His love to the world.  I am very proud that you try your best and persevere in areas where you are weak in.  It’s easy for people who are good at something to keep doing it.  Extraordinary people are those who keep trying when things are hard and don’t give up.  Today, I bless you with all the blessings of love, peace, joy, and wisdom that the Lord promised in His holy word.  As you begin your journey of becoming a man, I want to give you this special gift as a symbol of your growth toward independence.  You are an amazing boy and I am blessed to be your mother.

My gift to him was a personalized apron and a cookbook.  Beside encouraging him to love the Lord with all his heart, it's my job to train him for the real world.  I want him to be a blessing to himself, those around him, and especially his future wife and family.  So that means, he needs to know how to cook a little and also do some household chores.  I have been teaching him how to cook and make simple meals.  Because he is older now, he will have the privilege to handle a small part of our household budget and will also have to do his own laundry. 

God's Gentle Reminder

As soon as the New Year began, work just took off.  Trying to still work out and run amidst my work schedule is leaving me with no time to blog or watch TV.  But I had to blog about this since it's indeed God's way of reminding me to stay on the path. 

I had a touching conversation with J, boy #2 tonight on the drive home just he and I. 
J: I am going to make you a rubber band bracelet, what color would you like?
Me: Purple, why are you making me one?  It's not my birthday or Mother's day.
J:  Because you are my beloved Mama and I love spending time with you.  (Awww!)
Me: Oh, I love you too.  How did you know how to use the word "beloved"?
J: I read it in a book.  Do you love me more now or when I was a baby?
Me:  I love you the same because you are my beloved J.  But I do miss the time when you were a chubby baby.  I love cuddling with you and sleep.  And I loved it when you tried to kiss me but didn't know how so you ended up eating my chin instead. 
J: I don't want to leave home to go to college because I don't want to leave you. 
Me:  You need to go to college.  You will love it because you get to spend lots of time with your friends and learn new things. 
J:  I can spend time with my friends in the day time and come home at night.  I don't want to leave my family. 

WOW!  That touched my heart in such a deep way.  I know that will change when he is a teen, but I am thankful for his heart now.  With all the mistakes that I made and the yelling that I did, I can't believe he still values his time with me. 

Recently, recruiters have been contacting me about job opportunities.  I went on some interviews, but of course they are looking for full time employee.  There is a job that's perfect for me.  Good pay, great industry, and with potential upward possibility.  It's just what my career needs.  They also like me.  So if I am willing to work full time, the job is mine.  But I turned them down and offer to work 80-85% of the work week.  That's the most I've work since C was born.  Of course, they don't want that.  So I didn't get it.  I don't know about other moms, but I've always been thorn between career and family.  I am an ambitious person, I want to achieve more.  But I also want to give my kids my time and attention.  Turning down good jobs are hard for me no matter how many times I did it.  Each time is hard and each time I have to remind myself that home is where God calls me to be.  It's where I should channel my energy.  Sometimes I also wonder, is my sacrifice making a difference?  Or did I do it for nothing?  I wasn't sure of the benefit, but I am sure that's what God wants me to do.  So I keep looking for a part time job because I know He will provide.  Tonight, God used J to remind me that I am making a difference.  My sacrifice is well worth it because J values my time with him.  I will continue to seek for jobs that fits into the family's schedule and priority.  Thank you Lord for reminding me to stay true to what You've called me to and You will take care of the rest.