I miss my kids

Since Joshie is my second child, I thought leaving him and going back to work would be easier. but it's not. Last time it was hard to leave Caleb because he wasn't eating at day care and this time Joshie is not eating there either but he does eat at home. When I got to work this morning and looked at their pictures, I wish I was home with them. With Caleb doing well on the potty and not so defiant anymore, I am really beginning to enjoy the boys. Even though it's tiresome at home with them, I really do enjoy spending time with them. Maybe it's because I don't have too much of that.

Under the Microscope

Praise the Lord that God is answering my prayers in that I will be able to do more challenging things at work and that I have the opportunity for career growth. I met with my BIG boss for lunch yesterday. She basically told me that I have a shot at a promotion if I meet her requirements/expectations. Those expectations are doable, but it will require many additional hours at work. So basically from now on my performance will be watched and I am under the microscope. It's a little scary, but at least I have a shot at a promotion instead of doing the same job. Please pray for me in this. Please ask God to give me the strenghth not only to meet expections but to exceed them.

First Christmas Tree

Yesterday we drove around town to pick out a Christmas tree. Our intension was to get a 6 foot tree. But when we got to this one Christmas tree place that had little trees, Caleb was drawn to those little tree right away. Since it's still early in the season there wasn't any tree in our size because the little they had was sold out. So we left and said that we will go back next week. But on the way home Caleb kept asking why we didn't buy the little tree. He wanted to bring the little tree home. He continued to ask for it even when we got home. I then realized that I wanted the big tree to fulfill my own desire to have a real Christmas tree and not for Caleb. So Hebron and I decided to go back and get him the little tree. Even at this age he knows what he likes and what he wants. For Halloween we took Caleb to the pumpkin patch to get a pumpkin. Caleb picked out a small pumpkin (not those tiny one) that he can carry. All the pumpkins was the same price and as Chinese parent, I wanted to get the biggest one. So I told him to put the small one back and we got the biggest one we can find. After we got home I felt so bad about making him put it back because he really liked that pumpkin. He kept asking for it. So that's why we went back this time for his little Christmas tree. To him that was the perfect tree. So here he is touching and hugging the tree.Caleb helped putting the tree in water and decorating it. Here's how the decorated tree look like. We had a lot of fun. We love our little tree. Does it look like the Charlie Brown Christmas tree?

Baby Dedication

We dedicated Joshie today. Joshie normally naps the longest in the morning, but he couldn't this morning so he was really tired the entire day. This is what we shared:

This is Joshua David Mak, our second son. He was born on June 14th, so that would make him five months old. We were initially a bit overwhelmed with the immense task of taking care of a new born and a 2½ year old. However, the older Joshua got, the more we realized that he is actually a lot easier to take care of than Caleb. It took Caleb nine months to sleep through the night consistently, but it only took Joshua 3½ months. This really taught us about God’s faithfulness and that He will not allow us to go through more than what we can handle.

We have been very blessed that Caleb and Joshua get along very well. A few nights ago after dinner, when we were doing our chores, we put Joshie in the exersaucer, but he was grumpy and didn't want to be there so he cried really loud. Caleb, who was playing near by, stopped playing and went over to Joshie to look for the pacifier and gave it to his brother. Then he went back to playing with his legos. A few minutes later, the pacifier fell out and Caleb went back to pick it up for him again. After a while Joshie was crying even with the pacifier in his mouth. Caleb didn't know what to do, so he gave Joshie a toy. It was so touching to see Caleb take care of his little brother. Our hope is that the two boys will become the best of friends. That is one reason why we picked the name “Joshua David.” We wanted Joshua, because we already had a Caleb. We just loved the story about Joshua and Caleb, the two good spies, who scoped out the Promise Land and trusted in God’s faithfulness to bring them in. We choose the middle name “David”, because Caleb’s middle name is “Jonathan.” Jonathan and David were best friends. Another reason we liked the name is because both Joshua and David were strong leaders. We hope in the future Joshua would also be a good leader both in the church as well as in leading people to Christ.

One of the best things we love about Joshua is his happy personality. It doesn’t take much to get a smile out of him, and sometimes even a laugh. One thing we love to do is hold Joshua in our arms and stare into his eyes. There is so much joy, so much hope, and so many possibilities. That is why we want to dedicate Joshua to the Lord this morning. As parents, we are extremely limited, but in the hands of God, the possibilities are endless. The verse that we had picked as a charge to Joshua is found in Joshua 22:5, “But be very careful to keep the commandment and the law that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you: to love the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to obey his commands, to hold fast to him and to serve him with all your heart and all your soul.”

Giving Thanks

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

I love the holidays and I love to make a big deal out of it. It is my hope that my sons will come to love it too and when they grow up, no matter where they are they will come home for the holidays. Hebron and I have tradition of verbally saying the things we are most thankful for. The following hymn really tells why we should count our blessings.

Count your blessings name them one by one
Count your blessings see what God had done
Count your blessings name them one by one
Count your many blessings see what God had done

I am thankful for:

1. A husband who loves me unconditionally. Even though sometime I list out his faults, I know he is still a good husband and father.
2. The boys that God had entrusted to me. I am grateful for their health and their growth.
3. My house. Even though it's old and poorly insulated, I am ever so grateful to have this house and to be in this neighborhood. It's the perfect place for our family. I can do all that my heart desires in this house.
4. A heavenly Father who loves me more than I can ever know. He is always so patience with me.
5. Friends who care. Life is very lonely without friends. I wish I have more free time to reconnect with them.
6. My job. I am grateful to have a place to work where they are willing to accommodate my schedule so that I can pick up my kids early from day care.
7. A God who provides. Sometime money is tight, but we are never in need.

What are you thankful for?

Learning about God's heart through being a parent

Even though I feel like I am not qualify to be a parent, God gave me the priviledge to have two children. Parenting my two boys revealed to me alot about the heart of God. Here are the lessons that I learned:

Lesson 1
Yesterday after dinner when Hebron and I are doing chores, we put Joshie in the exersaucer. But he was grumpy and didn't want to be there so he cried really loud. Caleb, who was playing near by, stopped playing and went over to Joshie to look for the pacifier and gave it to his brother, then he went back to playing with his legos. A few minutes later, the pacifier fell out and Caleb went back to pick it up for him again. After a while Joshie was crying even with the pacifier in his mouth. Caleb didn't know what to do, so he gave Joshie a toy. Seeing what Caleb did really warms my heart to know that Caleb loves his brother. Through Caleb's action I can see that he is a loving and gentle boy. I was so proud of him. I can't stop but to think that God feels the same way if we, as brother and sister in Christ, love and care about each other the way Caleb does with Joshie. And through our actions God can see our character and our hearts.

Lesson 2
When Caleb turned two, his defiance stage also began. Sometime it seemed like we spent all our time disciplining him instead of enjoying him. I really hate to discipline him. But I know it's neccesary in order for him to grow up to be a God fearing man. When he does obey and not trying my patience, I really do enjoy spending time with him and I look forward to be with him on my days off. In the same way, God will discipline us when we disobey. He doesn't want to, but He will. God also blesses us and loves spending time with us when we walk with Him and obey His commands.

Lesson 3
Before Johie was born, I wonder how can I love another child as much as I love Caleb. Hebron and I seemed to pour all our love for children into Caleb. When Joshie began to interact with people and my relationship with him began to grow, I find myself growing attach to him and loving him as much as I love Caleb. I can't imagin my life without my boys because as much as I tried to shape them God is using them to shape me. I finally understand how God does not show favoritism and loves us all the same but in ways that we each need.

Thanksgiving Dinner

All that talk about not having time to make wholesome dinner. God is giving me the opportunity to cook this Thanksgiving. My mom is vacationing in Asia, so I will be having my Dad, sister, and the in-laws over for dinner. We will be having:

1. Cranberry tangerine salad with balsamic vinaigrette dressing.
2. Roasted red potatoes with herb
3. Steam Asparagus
4. Bacon Pesto Pasta
5. Stuffing
6. Turkey with Gravy
7. Pumpkin cheesecake (my sister will make this)

What are you having for Thanksgiving?

Seasons of Life

Don't know where I get the notion that I have to be on top of everything all the time and have a well balanced life. In the first three months after Joshie was born I condemned myself for not keeping the house clean and for not cooking every meal and packing Hebron's lunch. I was just physically too tired to attempt everything and I am the kind of person that need alot of down time. Some people ask me how do I balance marriage, kids, working, and serving. After thinking about it, I realized that there is no balancing. And I came to accept that I cannot balance it all. I cannot serve when I'm tired from waking up so many times at night. I cannot make fresh wholesome dinner every night and pack Hebron's lunch everyday. I came to accept that there is a season for everything and that this season of caring for an infant will pass. I will be able to serve at church later when life is more manageable and when I can give serving more attention and energy. I will be able to cook and make everything from scratch once again. But in the mean time I just need to do the best that I can with the time God has giving me.

The mable tree we have outside helped made me feel more at peace about not doing everything. How's that? The tree was luscious and green. But when fall came, some leaves turned yellow and then orange and then red. Now the tree is multi-color. It is so beautiful. Looking at it I realized that life, like this tree, goes through different stages and different season. And all the seasons are beautiful. The tree was beautiful when it was green and it's still breath taking now that it's red and orange. Life was great when I can balance everything. l need to enjoy life as it is now because this season of infant hood will pass.

Joshua

This is Joshua David Mak. I love his chubby cheeks and chubby legs. Everyone comments on his signature hair style. Yes, it's natural. No gel. He is sick for the first time with runny nose and cough. It makes it much more difficult to go to work.

The boys

This is one of my favorite picture of the boys. Caleb has a very caring and gentle spirit. He loves to hug and kiss his dai dai (little brother). One time he said, "Hung Hung (his cantonese name) and Dai Dai best friend." Then he hugged and kissed Joshie smothering Joshie in his big sweat shirt.

My career

Prior to returning back to work, I did alot of thinking about my job. I really didn't want to go back. I felt like I was stuck doing the same thing over and over again. I work part time and I am very specialized doing one kind of thing. But inorder to be promoted to manager, I need a wide variety of experiences and knowledge. I have asked for those experiences, but didn't get it because from a business perspective, the firm have no benefit in giving me the kind of experience I want and need. Since I do my job so well, they are more profitable if they keep me doing what I am doing instead of letting me do something I am not so familiar with. So they need manager with more experiences, but they can't give me those experiences. That means I can't be promoted there. Which means I should leave. I have been looking around and interviewing. Companies don't like to hire part timer. With Joshie not doing so well at day care, I don't feel comfortable working full time and starting a new job right now. I feel really stuck. I have also been thinking about going back to school to get a master degree. But that's another issue.

When I switched to part time to have more balance in family life, I thought I can still progress in my career. But recently I just realized that I am not going anywhere. It's no different than giving it up. I don't mind giving up my career to raise a family, but I guess I wasn't prepared to give it up. It caught me by surprise. I thought it would still progress but just slowly. Now I have no motivation in going to work. So I have been praying for God to change my attitude. Since there is no job out there for part timer, I feel like God is telling me to stay at this firm.

Back to Work

My first day back to work was Wednesday. One part of me is glad to be back and doing something different than changing diaper, feeding, and cooking. Yet another part of me don't really want to leave the kids. I am not worried about Caleb as much because he is doing well at day care since he is a big boy now. Emotionally it's hard because I know Joshie is better under my care. Like Caleb at the same age, Joshie doesn't drink much milk at daycare. Not sure why that is. It was hard to get through with Caleb and it still is with Joshie. When Hebron and I feed him, he will drink the entire bottle of 5 oz, but the day care person said that he won't drink from her. We gave her tips on how we feed him. But still she can't seem to feed him. If he doesn't drink when it's time for a feeding, she will wait till the next feeding which is 3 hours later instead of trying again in an hour. So at day care he would go 5 -6 hrs without food. Joshie does want to eat, but he's just a little picky. I am partly frustrated that the day care person doesn't try harder. If Joshie drink 7 oz the entire day there I would be happy. But when he drinks less than 5 oz, I wish that I could be home with him.

Sometime I wonder if there is another alternative. Should I stay home with Joshie? Financially we can't afford it on a long term basis, but we should be ok for a short period of time. Sometime I wonder if it's because I can't let go or I just don't want to work. It's partly both. I am tired of gone back to the same company and doing the same thing. I would really want to try something different.

Second post

Here is mommy & young Caleb:



Let's try another one:




Cool, I'm done. :)