"The Call"

Ever since we submitted our adoption application in March 2009, we have been waiting for "the call" from the adoption agency to refer to us our 3rd child.  From email updates we know not to expect that call any time soon.  But yesterday, we got "the call."  We indicated that we would consider a child with minor medical condition, so the refer was a 2 yr old with Syphillis, a sexually transmitted disease she was born with.  We were excited, but was not sure whether or not Syphillis is serious.  After conversing with a doctor friend, we made a very hard decision to decline.  Our friend said that if caught early, Syphillis can't do much damage.  But in her case, it was caught later.  He thinks that it may have caused developmental problems and since she still have traces of it that it may be contagious. 

I know we made the right decision for our family.  Knowing my limitations and my tendendy to worry, this is wise.  But emotionally, it was hard to turn away a child.  I pray that God will lead her to a loving home.   I can totally see myself loving her too.  I was so close to having a child, but yet it's so far away.  I wish to have our 3rd child soon, the wait is so hard.  Trusting in God's promises and following His lead is not easy, especially when there are other ways to get what I want.  Of course, I can easily have my own baby, but if I did that I would not be obedient to what He has called me and I would not be trusting in His provision.  It's so hard to continue down the path He is leading us when I don't know what the future holds and when I feel like we are alone (I mean beside God, no one is walking that path).  Like all the things He has called me to, I just have push on and hold tight to His calling.  I love chinese praise song.  A song from Stream of Praise says something like, "I lay down my life before you and follow your lead."  I feel like God wants me to do just that.